My Children's Childhood

Along with my blog I keep a private journal. It is filled with my writings, mostly unfinished thoughts, random babbles, frustrations and a lot of complaining - a stress relief. My journal contains writings that I am either too afraid or too insecure to publish publicly. I'll leave that journal to my kids. Maybe one more way for them to get to know me more intimately and also themselves a little better.

I certainly don't feel every moment in our lives is worth sharing publicly.  Some things are meant to be kept private. No body is fooling anyone and whether one chooses to write it down we all have difficulties-- insecurities, problems, disease, conflict and sometimes being a mother and wife isn't a sparkling see-through snow globe of glitter, cookie baking, kissing, hikes and bedtime stories. There are outbursts, stubbornness, tantrums, big attitudes, conflict and discipline. It is all apart of who we are, (you know, human) and apart of growing up and a very big, big important part of being a parent. I don't always choose to blog on that un-fun, tough stuff, but I do journal it. I read recently on Dig This Chick's blog, some things that happen in my kid's life are their stories to tell, not mine and I also agree with that wholeheartedly. Not everything they do is my story to tell. However for me, that line can be a difficult one to straddle. I am proud of my kids and I am proud of my life and I feel the urge to share (for their sake) every little thing we do and every funny thing they say. Blogging and journaling is a way I release things. It is the only way I know to time capsule these moments. Somehow freezing this precious time for just a moment longer. It is the way I choose to record our life together. The key point being, the way I choose. In a blink of an eye these days will be over.

Every single day more time has gone by and they are a little older, a little bigger, a little more independent.  Every day that goes by is one more day I don't have with them. I know I will be thankful to be able to relive their young lives through the thousands of pictures I have taken and edited and the words I have stayed up late or gotten up early to record. Annoyingly so to some, maybe. I figure if you don't like what I write about there is a very simple solution, don't read it! Wow, that was extra sassy ... sorry!

I find peace in writing. I find honesty in writing. I am held accountable by my writing. Each day when I sit down to journal or blog I am forced to ask myself, "Was today the best it could have been? Was I the best mother and wife today? Did I do or say the right things, so my children felt loved and cherished today? Did we continue a special tradition, make a memory? Did I become a better person today? Did I stay connected to the people I care about today?" Many days I don't quite measure up to the woman and mother I hope to be on a daily basis, and that's okay - I've never proclaimed perfection. I can lay down at night knowing I was the best I could be today. Tomorrow is another chance. Every chance, every day I am given I know how lucky I am and I treasure these days for exactly what they are -- my children's childhood.


no post is complete with a couple cute faces enjoying their day.

on horseback.

Yes! Ice cream OUTSIDE!

 a barefoot, tree climbing hippy.

On Making Magic Wands

It's a delicate process, choosing the perfect wand. Is it long enough? Does it have the right bend in the precise spot? Does it fit my hand properly? Can its magic be recharged? Can it be painted? Oh, and do we have enough sparkle paint?!

Childhood is precious. A simple outing to the park turns into a magic making experience. All I did was bend over and pick up a stick. Turns out that particular stick was THE best stick-wand she had ever seen in her WHOLE life! We painted three stick-wands. One for Addi and one for each of her friends down the street. The last time pencil-wands were apart of their play, they spent the majority of the weekend attempting to transform me into an evil witch or invisible mushroom. Somehow my sweet self is always the bad guy!

Moments like these I always wonder if this is a memory she will remember always. Will wand making be something she does with her kids? Moments that mean the most to them are usually the simplest of things. Just bend over and pick up a stick, they'll do the rest.

Childhood. So delicate. So brief. So precious and so, so magical.

A Year Gone By

One year ago we were packing up and driving north to our new home. This time to the tiny farming and ranching town of Choteau, Montana.  We were anxious and so excited to start this new chapter.  It would be our home for at least the next three years. It would be the place Landon would do all of his 'firsts' and where Addison would start school. It was smaller than any place we had lived before and we really did not know what to expect. Dylan and I had always thought we wanted to end up in a place like Choteau, to raise our kids in a small town and we were so happy to be living this dream.

We have moved so many times. I think we counted once and Addi, in 4 years lived in 8 different homes. We had our daughter before our life was settled. We hadn't yet lined up the so-called pre-child ducks. She has been with us through many life decisions and changes and I am glad for that. When Dylan was working late on the ambulance or gone all day at PA school and then studying all hours of the evening I had Addi to keep me company. She was my littlest best friend and we had so much fun together. With every new experience I am so happy to have my munckins by my side.

Addi, one year ago. Freezeout Lake

Once in Choteau we were anxious to get moved in, unpack and start exploring. There was some major mis-communication on Landlord Hubby's part when we were ready to move in. Let me tell you if Dylan had done what Landlord Hubby did to his poor wife, Dylan would not have survived! The first couple days in Choteau we stayed at the hotel. Dylan's start date at the hospital was just a couple days before our move-in date. One evening we drove to our new home in hopes of putting our perishable food into the fridge. We were scheduled to move in the following morning. Dylan and Landlord Hubby agreed to our move-in date and we scheduled the movers. Whatever makes husbands forget certain details, in this case, a major life altering detail, Landlord Hubby bombed it big time! Landlord Hubby I guess forgot to mention to poor Landlord Wife that we would be moving in (I'm not really sure of the exact details, but somehow, she was not expecting us to be there that weekend!). When we knocked on the door that evening to ask if we could put our food in the fridge she really had no idea we were coming, she barely found out we would be renting their home. Her fridge was, understandably, still full of her families food! Even though we told her that it was absolutely fine for us to move our things into the garage and then stay at the hotel for as long as we needed to, she busted her buns that night to finish moving out and moving her things into their new unfinished home and then spent the whole night cleaning our new house! When the moving truck pulled up the next morning at 9 am the house was perfectly empty and clean. I seriously do not know how she did it. You are better women than me Landlord Wife. I would not have been able to get all of that done and I would have literally killed my husband!

Landon, one year ago

It is such a special place and I feel really lucky to live here, to be apart of such a proud community. The flashing four way stop is the only traffic light in town and the single movie theater still serves real butter on its popcorn.  We actually know our neighbors and Addi leaves them notes and flowers, just to say hello. The community pulls together to raise money for a new community pool and to transform the outdated movie theater to digital. The prideful atmosphere of the Friday night football games are straight out of the movies. Our roads are painted with bulldog footprints and the farming fields are decorated with maroon and gold hay-bail artwork. The bleachers are packed to support our high school athletes.  Hyper border collies run laps on the back of the flatbed farm trucks. Cowboy hats and boots are not a fashion statement here, but required work gear.  And let me tell you, I never get tired of seeing those real Montana cowboys in their uniforms! Everyone waves hello, whether on foot or in a car. Everyone says good morning with a smile. Watching teenage girls ride their horses through town is common. I love seeing a pony-drawn horse carriage dropping kids off to soccer practice and music class! The grocery clerks walk my groceries to my car for me, every time, no matter the load. You hear the cows, you smell the cows and often you wait for the cows to cross the highway before you can continue on your way. People from all over make a point to come celebrate the Fourth of July here. After last year, I wouldn't miss this celebration for anything and I invite you to come next year!! It is an absolute blast. New friends brought us cards, baskets of cinnamon rolls and bottles of wine, just to welcome us.  Canadian Geese and Snow Geese are popular knickknacks in our skies. Lately their peaceful honking lets you know they are making their way back. Often a sweet Hutterite man with his suspenders tightened over his shoulders and large brimmed hat protecting his sun-soaked face will knock on my door asking if I could use fresh bread, eggs or potatoes and sometimes homemade pie! The sunsets over the giant mountains are like non I've ever seen before. It is a beautiful place. So calm. So happy. So peaceful. So genuine. Things are simple here. And I like simple.

 We are very comfortable and happy here. I am so thrilled to say ...  Choteau, you feel like home.

spring picnic, exploring our new home

oh, Missoula ...

... I love thee.

 I had to go back and look through photos to figure out the last time we were in Missoula. The kids and I were back briefly in November on our way home from Spokane and we did not make a trip back all winter.  We all were missing home something crazy and it felt so great being there this weekend. Plus a huge bonus, the sun was out and there was NO wind!

 The PERFECT springtime day in the woods.

As soon as we round the corner on the interstate and the football stadium and the "M" come into view, a rush of emotion comes over me -- I am home.

I was thrilled that my friends, Cori and Becca, decided to permanently adopted sweet Remmy. He is so loved and I know he will remain so, so happy. When we dropped him off Addi and Kaidyn were so excited to see each other again.

                                   

We spent some time visiting Grandma Bobbi and the kids. Landon played basketball with Grandma Bobbi, while Addi jumped on the tramp with Aunt Jaci.

                          

                       

A trip to Missoula is not complete without a stop at the carousel.

                               

With Grandma Deaette, Addi and I engorged ourselves on a giant frozen yogurt and fruit covered waffle!

                             

Dylan and Dave spent Saturday fishing on the river. Dylan has been going through some major river withdrawals. Hopefully this will subdue his cravings for a few weeks. {Those boys rarely take pictures for me! They forget how important pictures are for my blogging!}

I spent a lot of time with my Granny. I was able to go with her to a couple doctors appointments. She has been having trouble with her toes. Her poor 89 year old body does not want to keep up with her sharp-as-a-tack brain. We even got to go shoe shopping together! It was a blast and anytime spent with my Granny is very, very special time.

Landon went hiking with Daddy and Grandpa Jeff.

Addi and I both got a much needed hair cut. She was excited to tell people that four whole inches were cut off!

                             

We spent Saturday night at Dave and Em's house. Jake, Jodi and Christian joined us for dinner. Christian was very excited to see his "camp girlfriend". Landon thought Christian was so, so cool and loved wearing his cool boy hat. Sweet Fischer is just waiting for his turn to run around with the bigger kids. Meanwhile he watches and giggles and grabs on tight when someone (Addi) stops to kiss on him.

Addison is in love with baby Fischer and even suggested to Auntie Em that we trade him for Landon! She loves babies.   

Before driving back home, on Sunday we took advantage of the beautiful spring day and headed to the woods for a hike with our Englund family! Days do not get any better than this.  There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the spring sunshine made it warm, actually warm! Plus we were together in the woods, with all our babies! We've been through so much together, not always happy times, but always together. Sometimes hundreds of miles separate us, but we always pick up right where we left off, as if no time has passed. As we watch our families grow I am so full knowing I get to watch as they grow-up, together. As an extension of our biological family, I know my kids will always have the Englund's in their life for whatever they may need. Real, true lifelong friends that will withstand generations!

The Powlunds.

Sweet baby Fisch, 7 1/2 months old.

Ergobaby Dads scouting for elk with their baby sons in tow!

These kids love to hike.

My Nature Bug investigating deer hair on the trail.

LW, 20 months old.

And we can't say goodbye until Papa gives a ride on the four-wheeler!

Until we meet again, Missoula.

Dora-B-Explorer

After spying on Addi reading a book, cuddled on her Dora couch, I knelt beside her as said, "You know Addi, maybe you should pass on your Dora books to your friend Jorydn." Addi replied, disgusted, "You know my Papa gave me these Dora books. How could I ever tell him that I just gave them away?" How can I argue with that!

From about 20 months on my Addi has loved anything and everything Dora The Explorer. She has Dora paraphernalia from one end of the house to the other. She has a good friend who is just turned two and she now has the same relationship with Dora as Addi did. A few times I have asked Addi to pass on her Dora things to Jordyn. She abruptly refuses every time.  As much as I would love to purge more of Addi's things I am a little anxious to say goodbye to Dora as well.

To me Dora and Boots will always remind me of toddler Addi. While reading a Dora book or watching Dora on TV I will always remember they way she would shout, "Backpack!" or "Map!" Before going on a hike she would always fill her backpack with snacks, binoculars and her Dora doll. You never know what you adventures you will find. Dora taught her to always be prepared because you never know what friend might need your help!

2 year old Addi and Dora

Dora was a big part of Addi's toddler life and I am happy to say Addi is not ready to part with "Dora-B-Explorer"!

Mountain Air

I am wishing, and wishing hard for spring. I dream of warm, lazy days laying in the grass watching my kids play. I long for evening walks to the ice cream parlor and playing catch in the front yard. I look forward to feeling the breeze blow through open windows and long, drives on forest roads searching for bears. As much as I love hats and coats and scarves, I am so ready to put the winter clothes away and dust off my Chacos!

We needed to get out into the crisp, fresh air. We needed to breath in the healing powers of a mountain breeze. We've been cooped up in this germ infested house for one day too long and this mama was going crazy. So we went. It was cold and we could barely open the car doors against the wind, but I was determined. 

Addi ran to the cliffs and was upset at me that I wouldn't let her bring her rope and harness. Someone, other than me, is very anxious for climbing season!

Although we only walked for about 20 minutes - L-Man's sickly, crabby, frown was replaced with that big smile - the fresh mountain air worked!

The Scariest Three Letters

Nothing scares a mama of a premature baby more than three little letters, RSV. During LW's first winter we kept him very isolated. Isolated from winter germs and germy strangers anxious to touch his adorable face. We kept him from Walmart, stores and church. We avoided family gatherings and we asked visitors to spray themselves in disinfectant before entering our house.  We pulled Addison out of preschool and would not let her get involved in any activities where she might share other kid germs with her baby brother. If we did need to make an outing he was hidden against my chest in my Ergo pack and wrapped securely in a blanket. We scheduled to the day, monthly shots to prevent RSV. At the tune of $2,200 per shot - once a month for six months -  the shots were very important to his health, to his life. RSV is a severe respiratory illness and immature, diseased lungs need to avoid at all costs coming down with RSV. It would have easily landed him in the the ICU, it would have seriously threatened his life. The RSV precautions and medication worked. As hard as those months were, he never got sick.

This winter his lungs are healed. He is strong and healthy. None of the dreaded isolation from the world or spending a small fortune on preventative medication. The threat on his life isn't there if he happened to catch RSV. Honestly, RSV never even crossed my mind. Funny thing, as last year it haunted me constantly.

LW (as he is called more and more!) has been sick for weeks, six to be exact. It started as a cold and in the past two weeks had turned into a terrible illness. High fevers and a horrible cough. He has been unable to sleep, eat or drink. He could barley lift his head. He spent 24 hours a day on my lap. After a couple days of a fever over 103 degrees and one night of absolute lethargy and him refusing to drink even a single drop of liquid, Daddy decided it was time he was seen in the clinic. (Having a PA for a Daddy has its pros and cons! In our home you have to either have a bone exposed or brain matter oozing from your nose before it's time to take you in! Love you babe!) He was swabbed for influenza and eeeekkkk, RSV. He had an ear infection and was prescribed a stronger antibiotic (the first round of antibiotics we tried the previous week did not work). His doctor recommended that if he did not start accepting liquids by the end of the day that he be hospitalized in Great Falls to get IV fluids in him. He did not have influenza like we suspected, but he did have RSV. Daddy and I were determined to keep him out of the hospital. We started forcing him to take liquids by using a eye dropper. A 1/2 teaspoon at a time we worked to get him hydrated.

How he looked for many days.

We avoided the hospital. Thank goodness. By the following day the antibiotics must have kicked in. His fever dropped and he was accepting water from a cup. He even sat upright, picked on Kya and giggled. My boy was coming back.

Landon and I have been sleeping upright on the couch together for two weeks now. He starts coughing so hard when he is laying in his crib he is unable to sleep. Although he was feeling much better yesterday he was still up a lot of the night coughing. As much as I am praying for sleep and a well-baby, I am soaking up all the snuggles and cuddles. I love nothing more than him snuggling up to the crook of my neck, feeling him breath and watching him at peace, sleeping.

My Valentines

XOXOXO   Hugs & Kisses    XOXOXO

Landon and I joined Addison at preschool for her Valentine party. We read books, exchanged valentines, ate treats, made crafts and played games.

Landon loves preschool parties!