A Birth Day - Fischer Jacob

I have experienced nothing as magical as witnessing a baby being born. I was with my sister when my niece Ellie was born and I was with Cori when she had her daughter Kaidyn and I have never experienced anything as special. The whole process amazes me. I couldn't help feel like I missed out big time when Landon was born. I didn't get to go through the special process of laboring and delivering Landon. Giving birth to Addison was so amazing, so calm, so perfect and I really wanted to do it again. This day was extra special to me because of that. Being apart of another birth, especially the birth of someone I care for so much meant the world to me. I will treasure this day forever.

Due to high blood pressure and other symptoms Emily was induced three weeks early. When Emily called to let us know she was going to be induced we extended our stay in Missoula an extra night. We were there to support Dave and Emily in any way they needed. When Emily invited me to be in the room when her precious baby was born I was overjoyed and ecstatic.

Talking, telling stories, laughing ... waiting for baby to arrive.

I was so blessed in being a part of welcoming Dave and Emily's baby boy, Fischer Jacob to the world on July 17th at 5:52 in the evening.  After laboring for 20 hours and pushing for about an hour Fischer arrived, perfect and completely healthy. He weighed 6 pounds, 14 ounces and was 18.5 inches long. He is long and slender. He has long, dark hair and long finger and toes.  Beautiful in every way. Right after he was born I picked up the camera and took his first pictures. Probably annoyingly too many pictures, sorry. He'll have to get use to the camera in his face his whole life! When you agreed to marry me as your best friend you agreed to take me and my camera for better or worse!!

Picture by his proud Daddy, minutes after he was born. 

Dave and Emily were amazing. Both so calm, strong and focused. I am so proud of them both! I cannot wait to watch them in the adventures of parenting. They will be amazing!

Happy birth day little man. I look forward to watching you grow and learn. I look forward to all our adventures together. You are apart of the Powlund's now! A very, very special place to be! I am sure there will be many more postings about you and Landon causing all sort of mischief together (much like your Daddy's have done)!

A good morning picture text the day after he was born!

My Grandpa, 85 Years Young

My Grandpa Dave turned 85 in May. Who would know! I hope I am that spunky, witty, and good-looking when I am 85!

To celebrate, my family gathered at the Lolo Hot Springs campground for some fun --- done Terry style! There are so many of us it is difficult to get everyone to one spot. However, most were there! The Smith Clan - Aunt Moni, Uncle Mike, Mack (his girlfriend Raina) and Madi were up from Utah! Uncle Ron and Aunt Merna were there with a 1/3 of their brood, Easton. Uncle Roger and his frisbee crazed border collie Rex were there. Mom, Mark and the J's, Uncle Rick, Aunt Shelly, Roz and Riley and Aunt Becky, her husband Dennis, Carter and Carley were all there.  We were missing Sara, Ellie and cousins Lena, Miles, Tasha, DJ and Megan. I looked at Grandpa and said, "Grandpa, you did all of this!" He said with a smile, "Don't remind me!"

Those whom eluded my camera: Uncle Ron, Jessica, Jaci, Rozi & Carter

Daddy and Landon being cute together.

We had all quickly gathered when Grandpa went into the camper. Jessica, Madi & Rozi arranged cupcakes into a '85'. He was a little surprised when he came out and we were all staring at him and singing Happy Birthday! Aunt Shelly put together a beautiful scrapbook full of pictures and written memories and gave it to him. What I wrote for the scrapbook is at the end of this post.

Mom surprised Grandpa and dressed up in a dress that Grandpa's mother hand-sewn and wore over 70 years ago. My Great-Grandmother must have been the smallest women ever. Her dress was tight on my tiny mom!

Grandma took Addi across the street to the swimming pool. Addi of course, had a blast swimming! We had enough cousins and uncles to form two full volleyball teams! We played some very competitive volleyball for a really long time! My forearms and legs are still sore!

At dinnertime Dylan, the kids and I headed back into town. The rest of the clan stayed and camped a night. We had a great time and I am pretty sure we have the most fun family ever!

Arguing with something Daddy is telling her!

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Written to my Grandpa, for his birthday scrapbook:

Grandfather. For me it is a word packed full of meaning. For me, the word grandfather means strength, perseverance, wisdom, history, humor, kindness, hard working, compassion, generosity, warmth and pride. My grandfather knows everything and he gave me the greatest gift he could give --- he shared that knowledge with me.

Walking With Grandpa

Author: Rodney O. Hurd

I like to walk with Grandpa, his steps are short like mine. He doesn’t say, “Now hurry up.” He always takes his time. I like to walk with Grandpa, his eyes see things like mine; a birdie bright, a funny cloud, a penny that really shines. Most people are in a hurry, they do not stop and see; I’m glad that God made Grandpa unrushed, and almost as young as me.

When I reflect on 30 years of memories with you Grandfather it is difficult to separate my love and admiration for you into individual memories.  Naturally, my mind goes first to the lessons. All the lessons you inadvertently were teaching me throughout my young life.

I was barely able to sit on a chair and see over the round kitchen table, watching you scribbling notes, construction idea doodles or math lessons on the backside of an already used piece of paper. Never formal. Through conversation, quizzing and story telling you are always teaching me.

In the backyard watching you plant your pansies, pick strawberries or tend to the plum tree you spoke of science, family and faith. How things grow and why we grow them and what it all means to you.

I remember spending time with you in the terrifying basement, not scary when Grandfather is there, watching you. Together - you, me and Sara are hunched around the fireplace getting ready to start a fire. “What three things are needed to make fire?” you nonchalantly asked. Several minutes went by of us pondering and answering incorrectly many times. You waited patiently for Sara and I to come up with the answers our self. Once the question was answered we started the fire.  

After I graduated from college you thought you would give me my final quiz. A ball of fur you handed to me. “What animal is this from?” I knew right off, but was so nervous to answer wrong, to disappoint you somehow. Although growing up I knew that was really never possible. “Bison fur.”, I stuttered. Hoping my confidence was directed properly. A big smile from you Grandfather, meant I passed!

You may have thought it was my final quiz. Learning from you will never stop with age or earning a degree. That will always be your legacy to our family --- learning. I thank you for instilling in me, in all of us, the love of learning. Whether through schooling or more importantly through living and experiencing life you have always encouraged us to never stop learning.  I hope to pass that passion on to Addison & Landon.

Happy Birthday Grandfather. I have ALWAYS known how much you love me and I have ALWAYS felt how proud you are of me. You are an inspiration to me. I only hope to live as fully as you do.

All my love,

Brandi Jo

Landon's First Birthday Party

We did just what we set out to do. On Landon's birthday we celebrated his life! We had a birthday party barbecue for him in Grandma and Grandpa Powell's backyard.

Against my first instincts, I kept the party small. Part of me wanted to invite every single person who prayed for Landon. I wanted every single person who pulled for him, loved him and supported us through his difficult first weeks there to celebrate with us. We decided to have an intimate party so we could focus all our attention on Landon. We wanted to be able to watch him react to his big day.

Landon's Grandparents and Aunts & Uncles.
We sure missed Auntie Sara & Ellie, Aunt Kendall & Uncle Josh and Great-Grandma Ella.
Poor Grandpa Jeff wasn't feeling well either, but he grilled anyway.

To celebrate our Super-Baby and his superhuman strength we had a Superman themed party! I had the hardest time finding Superman birthday decor so I had to sew my own table cloth and bunting! Yikes! Me and my sewing machine do not get along. I can barely walk a straight line, trying to sew one is hysterical! I threw in an Elmo balloon because Elmo makes Landon laugh. I made Superman cupcakes, red velvet cupcakes with blue frosting. I made photo cupcake toppers of a few of Landon's pictures from his first year. I found a custom-made Super-Landon onsie for him to wear, cute shorts to match and of course his birthday-boy button! He looked so cute.

The night before his birthday Landon came down with a fever, he had a bad cough and he did not sleep much. For most of his birthday he felt pretty miserable and he was very sleepy.  Although he was feeling crummy he hung in there and I think he enjoyed the festivities! You could tell by his eyes that he did not feel well.

The only smile of his party. He looks so sick :( Poor Baby. 

Landon was pretty subdued when we sang Happy Birthday to him. His big sister helped keep his little hand from getting burned on the candle. He perked right up when he got a taste of the frosting. He quietly ate his whole cupcake and then sucked on the candle for a bit!

Addison helped Landon open his gifts.

After his party we attempted a few more family pictures. He was so tired and the birthday boy was ready to rest. The next morning we took him into the doctor. He has bronchitis and an ear infection. I sure hope the antibiotics work quickly for him. As of today he is still not feeling well at all. He doesn't have much of an appetite, he is really sleepy and he is angry at his sore nose. Landon was weighed by the doctor and he weighs a whopping 18 1/2 pounds!

Happy birthday sweet boy. You bring us so much joy and happiness. You are loved and we are so thankful for the day you were born.


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Landon, a few hours old.                                                        Landon, out to lunch on his first birthday.

I Choose To Celebrate!

The house seems so empty. Too quiet. Eerily calm. I miss my little bug. Her constant chatter --- opinions, questions, perspectives, arguments and all! With Addison spending this week in Missoula with Grandma and Grandpa Powell I have a lot of time to sit in quiet, read old posts, look at old pictures and think. Not always a good thing for me.

: : :

Yesterday I took Landon to Helena for an eye exam. At a few days old Landon had his first eye exam. His eyes were still not developed enough to make any observations. These highly invasive eye exams are normal procedure for most premature babies. Babies born early or with low birth weights are at risk at developing retinaopathy of prematurity or ROP. If left untreated it can cause blindness.  In total he had three eye exams in the NICU. At a 6 weeks old, a day before he was discharged, he had an exam. I was present for this exam and absolutely mortified at the procedure. The nurses warned me and urged me not to go. Now that I had my baby in my arms I was not about to let him out of my sight.  I would have never thought they would allow such a thing to be done to any baby. With the exam the doctor found he had very, very mild case of ROP in his right eye. The eye doctor was confident it would clear up on its own. At 10 weeks old he had another eye exam, this time Dylan was with Landon. I could not bring myself to witness that again. I feared for the life of the doctor! The ROP had cleared up. The ophthalmologist wanted to see him again at a year old. Well, for about 10 months I have been dreading this doctor's appointment. When Dr. Merdock's office called to set up the appointment I almost declined. I have previously blogged about the eye exam and how completely barbaric and cruel I think it is. I just assumed we would be checking on the healed ROP. I stupidly assumed he would need do the same ROP exam. After a near complete mental break down talking with the nurse, and much confusion on the nurses part, I learned Landon would not be needing that exam. After all my panic and fear Landon's exam was absolutely pain free and so simple --- he was even smiling for a lot of it! The doctor said he has mild astigmatism in one eye. A non-issue for now. He will check it again in a year. 

One very happy baby, before & AFTER his eye exam!

The stress and anxiety I was feeling about Landon's recent eye exam ignited many familiar feelings. Feelings I was hoping I would never feel, ever again. Fear being the most dominant. In less than a week we will be celebrating Landon's first birthday. I use the word celebrate loosely. I am not sure many people will be able to grasp what I mean. Unless you have had to survive a bittersweet event of your premature baby being taken from your body too soon and all the uncertainties that come along with that, I am not sure my feelings will make sense. The day Landon was born was not a happy day. The day Landon was born I was not excited, gleeful or full of joy. I was devastated, full of fear, grief and despair. I prayed this day would never come. I prayed his heart would hold out until his due date, or at least closer to it. I had been told countless times that if this day came, it meant his heart was too weak to support him, he would be taken from me and I would not get the chance to hold my son alive. On this day I did not want to be congratulated and I did not want to be given hugs of joy. My baby was going to be taken from us, intibated, stuck with needles, made dependent on lung, heart and pain medication and stuck on a hard, plastic table under artificial heat. His life was in the hands of his doctor's and nurses. It was up to them to make the right decisions for Landon. Dylan and I had done all we could do for him. His ONLY chance of surviving was to be born on this day and I had lost all control of caring for him. 


This past week I cannot help but relive each day, every painful day of my pregnancy, especially the last days leading up to his birth. I am painfully remembering not only the emotional pain but the physical pain I was in. Sick, weak and so tired. Remembering each dreadful drive Dylan and I took to Great Falls to get an ultrasound to check on Landon. Each time praying against, but anticipating the worse.  Remembering every time we got our hopes up when he improved a little to be brought back down with bad news. I relive the doctor's saying his only chance is delivery. And then right before my c-section being told not expect much, only a 3% chance that he would make it through his first hours. What kind of a chance is that? 

Even with all of that in the back of my mind, still too fresh a wound, with my writing I plan on relinquishing all these repressed feelings into this post. I am not sure I will ever fully heal from all that pain. Like any painful event only time will heal. But I hope to release it for now. To be free of my fear for Landon's life, because he is okay now, safe. I will allow Landon's birth day to be a celebration. God was merciful and against every single odd Landon lived. We will celebrate God's goodness, our faithfulness and Landon's super-human strength. We will celebrate all the miracles we were given during Landon's first days, weeks and during his first year. We will celebrate all his accomplishments. We will celebrate the fact that he isn't only well, but thriving and so, so happy. We will celebrate his smile, his sweet nature and his health. We will celebrate. 


The way he came to this world was so difficult and scary, but the joy this little boy brings us and the love between us all makes the journey worth it. Every second was worth it.

Yes, my sweet boy, you are one!

BaBy-Q Bash

Our friends Dave and Emily are expecting their first baby, a little boy, the first week of August. This weekend Dylan and I hosted a BaBy-Q Bash in celebration of his upcoming arrival. We threw a co-ed barbecue in Missoula for Dave & Emily's family and friends to join us in the celebration.

** I am so disappointed with my pictures. With all the running around I was doing I didn't get very great pics. 

I am going to steal Em's pics and then revamp this!

I made the invitations, favors and table pieces.

We had food. Way too much food!

We had friends.

We had games and prizes.

Diaper Raffle & Pin the Sperm on the Uterus. 

We had kids. The kids had activities. The kids had FUN!

My AMAZING sister Jessica was my assistant for the day. I COULD NOT have done it without her!

We had decorations and music.

We had a few brief rain showers.

Christian & Addison thought the sunshine rain was pretty fun!

We love our Dave and Emily and we are beyond-words excited for their baby boy. Poor Emily has had the pregnancy from you-know-where. On top of it all the past couple weeks she has been dealing with preclampsia -- almost daily trips to the hospital, high blood pressure, chair/bed rest, protein in her urine, plus countless other issues.  On a very good note baby is very healthy and doing very well. If the preclampsia doesn't cause even sooner delivery, labor will likely be induced at 38 weeks. Em has been amazing through it all. She is doing everything in her power to keep her blood pressure low so that little boy can stay in and grow as long as possible.

People were so generous. Dave, Emily and their baby were blessed with many great gifts, books, diapers and cash!

The diaper raffle was a success!

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On Sunday, Dylan, Dave & Jared floated the river. I just have to post this hilarious picture of Dylan & Dave. No, they do not coordinate their outfits beforehand! Twins from different mothers!

Celebrating America

I can say with great confidence that a person has not truly celebrated the Fourth of July unless you have done so in Choteau, Montana.

::: 

You could feel the energy building in our small town for weeks. Little by little our town was transformed from a quiet, peaceful town into THE bustling, exciting place to be! Flags and window decorations went up in the store fronts, arrows were spray painted on the roads to guide the obstacle course and foot racers, rodeo stock was held up in a pasture near the rodeo grounds and tables and porta-potties were set up in the park. Being a first timer I didn't really know what to expect. We started seeing all sorts of out of state licence plates -- New York, Idaho, Utah, Maine, Oregon, Vermont, Washington, California. People literally were coming from all over the country to our little town for the apparently famous festivities. It was hard to find a place to park anywhere in town. The hotel parking lot was full and the two in-town campgrounds seemed crowded.

It all kicked off on July 2nd at our local Roxy Theatre with a variety/talent show. Locals put on a show to raise money to help save our theater from having to close. We did not attend, but heard it was really cool. On July 3rd at 10 am the Summer Festival began in the city park. Booths and tables lined the park. Local produce, jewelry, art and photography were being sold. For the kids, face painting and cotton candy. Addi, Landon and I walked to the park around 1 pm.  Addison enjoyed a GIANT cotton candy. Shortly after we got to the park the 5K obstacle course race began. We watched as people crawled through a giant mud pit to get to the finish line. Addison thought it looked really fun and said she wanted to race in it next year!

My mom, step dad Mark and younger brothers, Jake and Jack and sisters, Jessica and Jaci, came over from Missoula and spent a couple nights with us. I was SO excited to have them all here over the fourth.

Shortly after they arrived we headed back to the park for the outdoor concert. Right away mom spotted David Letterman just hanging out in the crowd. He owns a ranch near Choteau and really supports the Choteau community. A friend said he actually pays to bring in the concert entertainment. It was pretty cool seeing him. I tried to sneak quick and take his picture. He turned, looked at me and then quickly turned away just as I brought my camera up. People say he loves Choteau because he can come here and people leave him alone. I decided to do the same and didn't try to sneak another picture -- even though my mom really, really wanted one! After the concert we headed home and Mark cooked up a barbecue chicken dinner. Later that evening Jake, Jack & Dylan went back into town and attempted to attend the boxing matches. After being an hour and half late they decided it wasn't worth the entrance fee. There was some sort of inside joke about "Bubba" the gate guard! I didn't quite catch the whole story! Jake and Dylan ended up having a grand 'ol boys evening at the street dance and local bar. Jack, Jessica, Jaci, Addi and I played a hilarious game of Cranium!

Summer Festival & Outdoor Concert in the Park

Dylan, Addi, Landon and I were up early on the fourth. We headed back to the city park, the hub of all the activity, for the 5K and one mile runs. I was hoping Addison and I would run the one mile fun run together. After they shouted ready, set, go Addi got scared of all the people chasing her (!) and ran to Daddy and watched me run instead! I think I took sixth and ran the mile in 8:21. It about killed me. I remember thinking a few times, "There is nothing fun about this run!", but I finished! I remember when a mile was an easy warm-up run for me -- not so much anymore!

One Mile Fun Run

The parade stared at 10 am. We lucked out and snagged the last open spot on the street. Main street was packed. I am not exaggerating, there were people as far as you could see up and down the street. It felt like we were at the parade in Missoula. The parade was so great. Beautiful horses proudly carrying the American and Montanan flags. Several old cars and trucks rolled down the street. Firefighters rode on the fire trucks sounding the sirens and splashing the crowd with their hoses. Addison scored A TON of loot. At the end of the parade two F15s did a fly-by. They were gone almost before we even heard them. We caught a mili-second glimpse of them. They were SO loud. They flew so low. They terrified Addi and Landon. There is something about seeing, hearing and feeling those jets that gets me feeling all fired up and super patriotic!!

Fourth of July Parade

After lunch we went to the rodeo. I LOVE rodeo! I am trying to talk Addison into becoming a rodeo cowgirl and learning to do barrel racing. She said, " I don't want to do it today, but maybe later." It was HOT and dusty. We all left with red shoulders and dirty, sticky feet!!

Good 'ol American rodeo!

There was one fun activity after another. After the rodeo the duck races started in the park. Over 700 ducks were released into the little creek that runs through the park. They were released in small bunches, in many, many heats. Addi and I bought Duck # 575. The duck races took forever and we didn't stay to see our duck, but he didn't win. The winner of the rubber duckie races took home $400, even the very last duck won $25! 

We made a big barbecue steak dinner and hung out at the house until the fireworks started. I don't think I can articulate into words how amazing the fireworks were. Friends of Dylan said our house was the perfect place to watch the fireworks as they set them off on the hill just above our house. At about 8:30 pm (it wasn't even dark yet) the show started and when I went to bed at 11:30 pm the actual finale hadn't even gone off! We sat on our back patio in front of a fire and watched 180 degrees of huge fireworks. They just wouldn't quit. Every time we thought, "Okay, that has to be the finale", another huge set of amazing fireworks would go off. There was a private family who's show rivaled the city's show. It was incredible. It was like watching a battling firework show. It was so long and so incredible, Addi fell asleep on Daddy with her hands over her ears. I have never seen anything like it before. Next year we are going to sell tickets to our backyard! We had the best seat in the city! The gigantic full moon added to the beauty of the night.

Happy Birthday America! We had such great time. I am already looking forward to next year! 

:::

Addi & Daddy setting off a few smoke bombs and noisy chickens!

Wildflower Trail

Every color of the rainbow was represented in the wildflowers. Some technically weeds but equally beautiful. Red paintbrush. Pink wild rose. Yellow sunflower. Blue broadbeard beardtongue and mountain blue eyed grass.  Purple fleabane and sticky geranium. White sweet-clover and bear grass. Their names as complex as their petal structure. The black char on the burnt lodge pole pines provided a perfect backdrop to enhance the brilliant palette. The white rock cliffs and bright green vegetation were gleaming with contrast.  The vivid color and bold variety was breathtaking. The trail meandered with the river through an old forest fire. The forest was silent, still and hot. The lack of leaves on the burnt trees provided no shade. Under the hot afternoon sun the creatures were hidden, away from the heat and out of our sight. The stems of the flowers were stretching out from the cliffs at an uncomfortable angle. Reaching as far as they could to be closer to the sun's rays.

Top Right: This hilarious little plant was as soft as it was crazy looking. I named it the Bed Head Plant.
 Straight out of Dr. Seuss' imagination!

Stopped to scout for fish in this freezing mountain pond.

Dylan cut up fire wood for our back yard fires and camping trips.

On the way in we saw this little mama and her spotted baby trying their best to remain unseen.

Photo-A-Day JUNE

By now you all know the story of the photo-a-day challenge that I participate in using my iPhone. This is my third month of participating. I really enjoy not only taking the pictures each day but looking back on the past months to see how my creativity has improved! I like to think of the challenge as another way to journal. Each picture captures a moment, a little part of my day. 

Click to view pasts months photos:

April Photo-A-Day 

May Photo-A-Day

Day 1: Morning. Day 2: Empty. Day 3: On your plate.
Day 4: Close-Up. Day 5: Sign. Day 6: Hat

Day 7: Drink. Day 8:Six O'clock. Day 9: Your View Today (Flathead Lake)
Day 10: Best Bit of Your Weekend. Day 11: Door Day 12: From a Low Angle.

Day 13: Art. Day 14: Time. Day 15: Yellow.
Day 16: Out and About. (Glacier NP) Day 17: In Your Bag.
Day 18: Something we don't know about you (I have to sleep with TV on)

Day 19: Imperfect. Day 20: Favorite photo you've ever taken. Day 21: Where You Slept.
Day 22: From A High Angle. Day 23: Movement (massive hail storm). Day 24: On Your Mind (The party I'm planning)

Day 25: Something Cute. Day 26: Where You Shop. Day 27: Shelf.
Day 28: Bathroom (There is NO WHERE for the Mama to hide!) Day 29: Soft. Day 30: Friend. (My best friend and hubby!)

Thank you Fat Mum Slim for another great challenge!

Weaned

My babies are self-weaners. Addison slowly weaned herself at 10 months. She nursed less and less until one day she refused. She was too busy to sit still and nurse. I feel Landon is up to the same thing. The past 5 days Landon has refused to nurse. I hold him next to me and he squeals and pushes away from me. For effect, I wish I could insert the sound of my heart breaking.

I am so sad on so many levels, for so many different reasons. I love the special quiet time breastfeeding gives us together. He would nurse early in the morning when no one else is awake.  I will miss cuddling with him on the rocking chair, talking to him softly. After nursing right before bedtime we would read books and talk about animals! He would look up into my eyes and put his hand on my face. He would often get a fist full of my shirt, cheek or breast and not let go until he was finished eating. 

Landon is my last baby and I am not ready to say I will never nurse again.

The fact that Landon was even able to nurse at all is a miracle in itself. So many times premature babies do not nurse for a variety of reasons. At 34 weeks gestation, less than four weeks after he was born,  I nursed Landon for the first time. After that he nursed a little bit each day and took to it very naturally. It takes a lot of energy for a baby that small to nurse and it took him several days to build up enough stamina to get a full feed. The fact that he learned to nurse so fast and was able to gain weight on nursing alone was the reason we were able to take him home as early as we were. The miracle of Landon will never cease to amaze me.

I was hoping it was a quick phase. The past couple days he has been teething horribly and hasn't really felt that well.  He is only 11 months old -- too young to make this sort of decision without consulting his mommy! I am just not ready to be finished nursing him. I guess I better make my peace with it. He is growing up and moving on. We will try him on whole cow's milk and see if he snubs that too!!

Mama loves you Nugget. I am so proud of you.