In the Wind

Having some jerky before we head out. 

To say that our part of the world is windy is like saying water is wet. It goes without saying that most days the wind will be that annoying burr in your sock that irritates, and pokes and despite your best effort you cannot get rid of it. The wind isn't concerned with the plans we make and if I could change one thing about this area, it would be the wind.  But on this day the wind was extra impressive. Literally 60 mile an hour gusts (at least) tried to lift us from the earth. We attempted to spend the warm sunshiny day at Tunnel Lake, fishing and barbecuing with Papa. The wind was fierce and kept us from really enjoying the warm day. Our day of fly fishing for greyling was ruined due to the insanely high winds, but daddy was surely not going to let the wind keep him from barbecuing a hot dog. The sand and dirt was slashing across our faces and the water from the lake surface was being blown into a funnel wave, but we were there and darn it we were going to have a hot dog picnic. The kids and I huddled in shelter in the back of the truck while Papa and daddy braved the hurricane force breeze. I've never seen hot dogs inhaled faster! Papa called us sissies and joked that these winds were no big deal. He tried talking Addi into going on hike with him. She wouldn't have it, not even with her Papa. The wind literally blew Landon off his feet and he crashed on his back.

Learning how to choose the perfect chewing weed with Papa.

Tunnel "Ocean"

We took a walk by the river and showed Papa the ancient wall paintings.

Papa and Addi tried their luck at gold panning! It is their new summer, semi-retirement activity and they both were excited to give it a try.

Landon was imitating Papa and swirling his gold pan around.

{Just Another Day in Windy Paradise with our Papa}

Addison's First Gymnastic Meet

I was so proud of her -- bright gleaming mama pride as she flipped, ran, jumped, stood on her hands, vaulted and rolled. 

Papa, Daddy, Landon and Claudia were there cheering on our lil' gymnast.

Addison has been in gymnastics for a year now. Recently her coach moved her into a new class of levels 2 - 5. Addi has been doing so well. She seems to pick up new skills almost effortlessly and working with the older, more experienced girls has done wonders for her. She enjoys practicing at home and it's apart of her personality to not only try to do it, but to do it perfectly. The day before her meet she mentioned that she wants an Olympic gold medal for gymnastics -- the kid loves this sport so much.

Her coach was eager to have Addi try out a real meet at our local gym's annual Spring Fling Flip Thing. It was a great thing and a lot clicked for Addi. She learned a lot about competing and really enjoyed it. I wasn't sure how it would go. Addison is very, very timid when it comes to new situations especially with large groups of people she doesn't know. I was happy to see Addi's good friend from preschool, Aundra, was also there competing in Addi's age group. That put Addi at ease and once her and Aundra started warming up together Addi forgot about all the big people and settle right in to what she needed to do.

She did very well and had a blast. Meets are long and this meet ran into Addi's 8:30 bed time! Besides her long yawns she hung in there and completed all her events will energy and enthusiasm.

On the way home I was sitting in the backseat of the car with her. She hugged onto my arm and said, "Mama, thank you so much for letting me do gymnastics."


Warming up.

There's Addi!

Bar Routine.

Checking to make sure we were watching.She often made eye contact with me and flashed me a thumbs up or a wink! She was so happy and she was having a blast! 



Beam. 

Coach Becky.

 Floor Routine.

Waiting for her team's turn. 

Vault. 

Watching a Level 10 on the floor. They all were in jaw-dropping awe!

Award ceremony.

Lu Li, 1992 China Olympics Gymnastics Gold Medalist, was there helping and cheering on the girls

Addison was very, very proud of herself and immediately hung her new ribbons on her bedroom wall.

April 20th - Safe In The Arms of Jesus

I have never heard the voice of God before. I've never been given the gift of direct, open communication on His end. When I've heard people say, God spoke to me, I never really got it. I always thought that I personally was not asking the right questions or maybe I wasn't a good listener. I thought He just didn't have anything to say to me. I never understood how a person knew it was from God.

I was woken from a deep sleep by a few simple words. The clarity in the words and the simple message washed a sense of peace over me. A sense of peace I have never before felt. After typing the words into my iPhone I soon fell back asleep. It wasn't until the morning that I really thought about what the words meant and what they were meant for. I read them over and over again. I had no other explanation -- I had heard from God -- I heard truth. He woke me in the dead of night when no other distraction and no other background noise would distort what he needed to tell me. I am sure that he wanted to make sure I heard Him, really heard Him. He engraved it on my heart and I wrote it down to be sure I never forgot it.

Since my 15 year old brother, Danny, took his own life eight years ago I've heard many things. Other human opinion as they take it upon themselves to tell me where my brother is; to enlighten me on his eternal fate for committing an unforgivable sin. They somehow feel a sense of supreme power over me, un-compassion really, to interpret truth for me as they try and tell me (like they knew anything about the situation) my brother's situation with God. I mean COME ON. How conceded are they to think they really know anything like that. I personally believed that God would not abandon Danny. He would not leave him to suffer in eternity when obviously, unknown to his closest family members, he was already suffering and alone and I guess in his mind he had no other solution that to permanently end the pain. Danny was just a boy, a child. A child with a big heart and a love for people I haven't seen since him. Would God abandon such a heart? Would God really abandon a child? No, I never thought so. The very moment he decided to leave this world was the same exact moment Jesus scooped him up. He was instantaneously free from pain and in God's arms he was safe and happy. I no longer care about what those random people said and their silly, self-appointed duty to judge my baby brother was just that, silly. I always felt that Danny wasn't suffering anymore because he was in the arms of Jesus sharing his laughter and his smile with God. I know he is making Heaven a happier place with only his presence.  At times this belief is THE ONLY THING that got me through it. But it took God waking me up in the middle of one random night for me to really feel it. Sometimes my brain seems to think it's in control, but really my heart is what drives me - drives me not to know truth, but to FEEL it.

It took God eight years to settle on me this peace. I was probably blinded by too much grief until now to really hear Him. But I KNOW for sure now, that one day I will see Danny again. We will walk hand-in-hand in eternity. For that peace, for that truth, I am so thankful and so, so grateful that God took time to speak directly to me.

I had printed the picture, one of my favorite pictures of all time, months and months ago. I didn't know, until I was given the words, what I would do with it.

Like all children gone too soon, I sit embraced, safely in the arms of Jesus. I wait for the day you walk through Heaven's gates and take me into your arms where we will remain together for eternity. ~From Danny, via God! 

There is no other person on this earth who needs to know, who needs to feel God's words more than my mother, for her I made this canvas. As she sees his face and re-reads these words I only hope it eases some of her pain until the day they are reunited in eternal joy.

I miss you every single second little brother, but today, April 20th, I miss you more.

{The Past} Week In Paradise

Landon and I joined Addi's preschool class to Pastor's Jason house to visit his families baby chicks and chickens. They have many very happy chickens with a lot of room to scratch and roam.

Miss Jen gave the kids all sorts of egg info.

Deciding who has the craziest hair.

On Thursday the kids and I drove to Missoula for Landon's developmental evaluation. Landon is doing very well and developing normally. His cognitive functions are scoring above his actual age of 21 months. His fine and gross motor skills score right at 21 months. The speech therapist who evaluated Landon recommended he starts seeing a speech therapist. There is a large discrepancy in Landon's expressive language and cognitive understanding, meaning although he understands everything we say to him he uses only a few words and attempts infrequently to say new words. He is still very tiny for his age and his height, weight and head circumference is in the 10th percentile for his actual age. Other than that he is doing very, very well. We will be looking into getting Landon an in-home speech therapist as soon as possible.

A special new ball for being great at his appointment. 

 Milkshake pit stop on the way to town.

This big news of the week is obviously our new baby, Nugget. Both kids are rarely without him. Landon enjoys being particularly close to him. He loves feeding Nugget banana and even locks himself in with Nugget in his cage!

Our past week in IG:

Daddy has been out fishing a bit this past week. He was so excited to tell us he fed a wild gopher a snicker's bar. Come on babe, Keep Nature Wild 101 -- Don't feed the wildlife! 

It's A Boy -- Meet Nugget

It's been a long time coming. Addi has shed, in the past several months, too many tears over her  need for a baby bunny. Too many times we've said, not today, it's not the right time. Well, on Friday, I said yes. Not because anything had changed, not because we have purchased our own home or because one of our dogs passed away,  I just said yes. I said yes because she is five, for only a few more short months, and being five is something special. My five year old dreams big and loves even bigger. She is teetering on the edge of all grown up. I said yes because she is my little girl and her big heart for animals is something I understand and something I could no longer keep from her.

We made a quick trip to Missoula for Landon's developmental evaluation. We were running errands in town with Papa. For the fun of it we stopped in to see the animals. I had not made up my mind to go in and come out with a new baby. She picked him up first thing and did not put him down to hold any other animal the whole time we were there. He was so calm, the right breed and so, so sweet. I said, "Time to go." Her face dropped and she started in her separation anxiety meltdown that I anticipated every time she has her arms around a baby bunny. I looked deep into her little face and said, "Let's take him home." Her face lit up, her eyes literally filled with tears and she said, "Really, Mama. I can really have him." "Yes, my love. You can really have him." And that was it. He was hers and my heart was full for making her sweet, simple dream come true.

I had bunnies when I was little. My first rabbit was Georgy. I vividly remember him. I remember loving him and I also remember him being huge. I found this picture and I guess he wasn't as big as I remembered. I was tiny and he must have seemed so, so big on my three year old lap. My parents, particularly my dad always embraced my love of animals. I had many different pets. I consistently brought home stray animals, feed-store kittens and lost dogs. Sara and I spent our Saturdays while living in Bozeman with our mom catching wild snakes and keeping them for the day in our swimming pool. I had a groove full of wild rabbits and whenever I needed something small and furry to cuddle on I would catch a wild baby bunny. Growing up I had many furry and feathered pets - rabbits, rats, love birds, cockatiels, parakeets, dogs, cats and hamsters. My dad's only rule was it had to have fur or feathers, no reptiles! I did want to keep the bull snake that we found in the back of our truck after spending the day in the woods getting wood. My dad watched as I walked the snake down to the field to set it free. So many of my childhood memories include me and an animal. I attempted to raise frogs from tadpoles that I caught while camping. I helped to deliver and raise many litters of puppies and kittens. I watched my Golden Retriever attempt to nurse the sickly kitten I brought home. My dad built countless bunny hutches and hamster castles, filled dog-dug holes in the yard, scooped 18 years of animal poop and built bird nesting boxes. He built an incubator when I begged him to help me hatch and raise abandoned cockatiel eggs. To say the least he embraced my love of animals and throughout my childhood (and adulthood) he nurtured and encouraged that love.

circa, 1985

Dylan and I have had our dogs, Mason and Kya, since before we were married. When Addi was a toddler she had a leopard gecko. The gecko would sit on her highchair while she ate! After living with us for a year or so he developed a horrible eye infection and died. We've taken in and re-homed a couple rescue dogs since then, but other than that she hasn't had a pet of her own. I wanted so bad to embrace and encourage Addi's love of animals, to be raised in a home full of animals, the way I was. I may have however, opened Pandora's box! It never stops with just one bunny, not when Addi and I are involved. Daddy puts up a hard game. He tries to remain practical in all animal-related situations, "No more heartbeats." he says. But he melts around a baby animal just like the rest of us. In Addi's words, "Daddy took the bunny pretty well."

Papa modifying yet another pet cage!

"You are pretty cute!"

Over that past several days Bunny has had at least one new name each day. It started off as Cookie and then Clover, Lilo, Fudd (Daddy's silly name), Hot Dog and finally Nugget.

He is very sweet. He tolerates headlock hugs from Landon and being slimmed and continually followed by Mason. He is very mellow and he doesn't get startled. He gets frisky and kicks up his back legs while playing.  He gives kisses and climbs into the kid's lap. He sits calmly in the stroller and tolerates being swaddled. He remains alive when Landon death grips around his neck when someone tries to take him away!

The kids made him a house.