We had another follow up/monitoring doctor appointment in Great Falls yesterday. Our baby is holding stable. His heart function and amount of fluid in his abdomen remained about the same as last week. HE DID NOT GET WORSE!! His heart is working really hard, but seems to be holding strong.
Dr. Key was really encouraged that baby was able to remain in me another whole week. One week in fetal development time is really important. Every day, every week that he stays in makes a huge difference for our little man.
They sent me to the hospital for additional baby heart monitoring and more steroids. Dylan has the pleasure of giving me the second dose tonight! He enjoys it more than he should!! We are not exactly sure if it is the steroids that are causing the improvements, but it is worth a try. The research isn't clear if multiple doses really adds additional benefits - I guess will we see next week. I made Dr. Key promise I wasn't going to give birth to Schwarzenegger. He is such a jolly, sweet man - my joke caught him off guard - he giggled and said that they are not the same kind of steroids!
We go back to Great Falls next Friday. It is encouraging that they have spaced out the appointments and dropped them to once a week. This is a good sign.
the journal of a nature-loving, country-living Montana mama raising two tiny humans, vegetables, goats and chickens |:| yearning to slow time while freezing our precious life with photos & words |:| striving to live slowly, wholly, honestly and gracefully while chasing wildlife, chickens, rainbows and dreams |:| "We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand – and melting like a snowflake.” ~Marie B. Ray
Friday, June 24, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Battling For His Life - 26 weeks
The safest place in the world for a baby is in his mother's womb. As a mother, keeping my baby safe and away from harm is the most important thing to me in the world. This week, these realities were taken from me. I was told that my baby was no longer safe in my womb and that there really is nothing I can do to keep my baby away from harm, pain and ultimately death.
On Wednesday June 15th, Dylan and I drove to Great Falls to see our Perinatologist. We were anticipating a normal check up. We had it in our minds that baby was doing better and remaining strong and we had relaxed a little bit about his health. I guess we had some sense of false encouragement that the Echo Virus I had, that had most likely caused the ascites (fluid in abdomen) in our baby was still there, but the baby would probably be ok. After the ultrasound Dr. Key came into our room and began to dissect what he saw in the ultrasound, what it meant and what we needed to do. For the most part this whole day is a huge blur. The only clear thing I remember Dr. Key saying is, " We need to get you admitted to the hospital. The next 72 hours we will give you steroids and then on Sunday we need to deliver your baby." I was blind-sided. I made him repeat what he said and then I collapsed into Dylan's shoulder, confused and completely heart-broken. We were given these two options and were told we needed to make a decision quickly: 1. Deliver baby ASAP and intensively intervene to try and save him or 2. Leave him in, see what happens - basically allow him to die in peace. We were told either way our baby had less than 10% chance of surviving. Our baby was under too much stress and his tiny little body and heart could not accommodate it for much longer.
Since the last time were in Great Falls, about a month ago, unknown to us or our doctor, our baby's condition had become a lot worse. There was more fluid in his abdomen, a lot more. His heart was working really hard to accommodate the fluid. He now had fluid or swelling in the skin around his brain and some limbs. He has Non - Immune Hydrops. A fetal death sentence. His femur and skull measurements reveal a 26 week old baby. His abdomen measurement is the size of a 39 week old baby. His abdomen is grotesquely huge compared to the rest of him.
Dylan and I went to the hospital. They hooked me and baby up to the heart monitor and monitored exactly what his heart was up to for about 2 hours. When Dr. Key came back he was encouraged by the baby's heart rate. He said he was expecting a near flat line but that is not what he saw. The baby's heart was working really hard, but was remaining strong at this point. Dr. Key decided to give me a dose of steroids, send a dose home for Dylan to give me in 24 hours and then have me come back on Friday. Because his heart appeared to be remaining strong and appeared to be managing the stress, the doctor felt we could wait a couple extra days before deciding whether or not we would deliver him.
We some how made it through the next two days, praying and talking - deciding the fate of our unborn baby. Deaette stayed with us. Thank God for her. She took care of us and took care of Addi while Dylan and I's world was crashing around us.
The drive back to Great Falls on Friday morning was horrible. We both cried for most of it. Baby had stopped moving. Normally he is very active, bouncing around all day long. But on Friday he had gone silent. Nothing I did would wake him up. I laid on the ultrasound table and muttered to Karen, the ultrasound tech, that he wasn't moving anymore. Dylan and I both thought we would be told that our baby had died. Karen immediately found his heart and it was beating. After she did a quick scan Dr. Key came into the room and he was smiling, almost giddy. He said he couldn't believe it but the amount of fluid in his abdomen had decreased a little and baby's right-sided, tricuspid heart function wasn't working as hard as it was couple days ago. Baby had improved a little. Dr. Key said it could have been the steroids that took some pressure off his heart.
We weren't sure what to say or think. He seemed a little better, not out of the woods by any means, but he didn't get worse. We monitored baby's heart rate again and although it isn't what a "normal" fetal heart rate looks like, it is better than the doctor anticipated, considering all the stress he is under. We were told to come back on Monday to check on him again.
We made the drive again on Monday and we got another positive report. Less fluid and less heart strain. Dr. Key just shook his head, smiling. "It has to be an answer to prayer.", he said. His heart rate was remaining stable, not perfect, but stable.
Our next move is to go back to Great Falls on Thursday. I will be getting more steroids. There really is no way of knowing if they are the reason for the improvements, but they are a powerful drug, capable of helping his heart as well as his lungs.
A day-to-day battle for all of us. All we can hope for is that he continues to improve and that his heart remains strong. The sense of urgency to get him out has subsided for now. He doesn't appear to be dying. He is strong and active. Dr. Key said as long as we continue to see improvements we can go to monitoring once per week.
It will be an impossibly long process. We still have 13 weeks until his due date. Emotionally we are wiped out. Physically, we are exhausted. My body, I am sure is working over time trying to care for a sick baby. I feel drained. Some days I just cry tears of frustration, exhaustion and pure hoplessness. I feel like I do not have one more ounce of energy to give. Unfortunately, all I can do for my little man is continue to eat well and rest. The feeling of helplessness is unbearable. The true battle is taking place in him and his outcome is in God's hands.
On Wednesday June 15th, Dylan and I drove to Great Falls to see our Perinatologist. We were anticipating a normal check up. We had it in our minds that baby was doing better and remaining strong and we had relaxed a little bit about his health. I guess we had some sense of false encouragement that the Echo Virus I had, that had most likely caused the ascites (fluid in abdomen) in our baby was still there, but the baby would probably be ok. After the ultrasound Dr. Key came into our room and began to dissect what he saw in the ultrasound, what it meant and what we needed to do. For the most part this whole day is a huge blur. The only clear thing I remember Dr. Key saying is, " We need to get you admitted to the hospital. The next 72 hours we will give you steroids and then on Sunday we need to deliver your baby." I was blind-sided. I made him repeat what he said and then I collapsed into Dylan's shoulder, confused and completely heart-broken. We were given these two options and were told we needed to make a decision quickly: 1. Deliver baby ASAP and intensively intervene to try and save him or 2. Leave him in, see what happens - basically allow him to die in peace. We were told either way our baby had less than 10% chance of surviving. Our baby was under too much stress and his tiny little body and heart could not accommodate it for much longer.
Since the last time were in Great Falls, about a month ago, unknown to us or our doctor, our baby's condition had become a lot worse. There was more fluid in his abdomen, a lot more. His heart was working really hard to accommodate the fluid. He now had fluid or swelling in the skin around his brain and some limbs. He has Non - Immune Hydrops. A fetal death sentence. His femur and skull measurements reveal a 26 week old baby. His abdomen measurement is the size of a 39 week old baby. His abdomen is grotesquely huge compared to the rest of him.
Dylan and I went to the hospital. They hooked me and baby up to the heart monitor and monitored exactly what his heart was up to for about 2 hours. When Dr. Key came back he was encouraged by the baby's heart rate. He said he was expecting a near flat line but that is not what he saw. The baby's heart was working really hard, but was remaining strong at this point. Dr. Key decided to give me a dose of steroids, send a dose home for Dylan to give me in 24 hours and then have me come back on Friday. Because his heart appeared to be remaining strong and appeared to be managing the stress, the doctor felt we could wait a couple extra days before deciding whether or not we would deliver him.
We some how made it through the next two days, praying and talking - deciding the fate of our unborn baby. Deaette stayed with us. Thank God for her. She took care of us and took care of Addi while Dylan and I's world was crashing around us.
The drive back to Great Falls on Friday morning was horrible. We both cried for most of it. Baby had stopped moving. Normally he is very active, bouncing around all day long. But on Friday he had gone silent. Nothing I did would wake him up. I laid on the ultrasound table and muttered to Karen, the ultrasound tech, that he wasn't moving anymore. Dylan and I both thought we would be told that our baby had died. Karen immediately found his heart and it was beating. After she did a quick scan Dr. Key came into the room and he was smiling, almost giddy. He said he couldn't believe it but the amount of fluid in his abdomen had decreased a little and baby's right-sided, tricuspid heart function wasn't working as hard as it was couple days ago. Baby had improved a little. Dr. Key said it could have been the steroids that took some pressure off his heart.
We weren't sure what to say or think. He seemed a little better, not out of the woods by any means, but he didn't get worse. We monitored baby's heart rate again and although it isn't what a "normal" fetal heart rate looks like, it is better than the doctor anticipated, considering all the stress he is under. We were told to come back on Monday to check on him again.
We made the drive again on Monday and we got another positive report. Less fluid and less heart strain. Dr. Key just shook his head, smiling. "It has to be an answer to prayer.", he said. His heart rate was remaining stable, not perfect, but stable.
Our next move is to go back to Great Falls on Thursday. I will be getting more steroids. There really is no way of knowing if they are the reason for the improvements, but they are a powerful drug, capable of helping his heart as well as his lungs.
A day-to-day battle for all of us. All we can hope for is that he continues to improve and that his heart remains strong. The sense of urgency to get him out has subsided for now. He doesn't appear to be dying. He is strong and active. Dr. Key said as long as we continue to see improvements we can go to monitoring once per week.
It will be an impossibly long process. We still have 13 weeks until his due date. Emotionally we are wiped out. Physically, we are exhausted. My body, I am sure is working over time trying to care for a sick baby. I feel drained. Some days I just cry tears of frustration, exhaustion and pure hoplessness. I feel like I do not have one more ounce of energy to give. Unfortunately, all I can do for my little man is continue to eat well and rest. The feeling of helplessness is unbearable. The true battle is taking place in him and his outcome is in God's hands.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Flathead Lake Cabin
On Friday, after having the six Holter Heart Monitor stickers agonizingly ripped off my skin we headed to Missoula. We were able to visit with Dylan's parents, Uncle Spencer, Mom, Mark, Aunt Jaci, Uncle Jack, Uncle Jake, my Dad, Uncle Roger, cousin Ryan and Granny.Roger and Ryan were in town visiting from Arizona. Ryan is a Marine and recently returned from a tour of duty in Afghanistan. It was great seeing them. We were able to get dad out for a dinner at the China Garden!
It was a quick visit with everyone before we headed up to the Englund's Flathead Lake cabin for the annual Dave and Emily's Birthday Celebration Weekend. It was a big one this year - Dave turned 30!! He handled it better than the rest of us will! Sara and Jared were also there. Sara also celebrated her birthday on Saturday. Her and Jared are still the babies though - she only turned 28! Jake, Jody, Anne and Christian were also there.
We had pretty good weather considering we usually spend the first part of June at the cabin cooped up hiding from the rain and snow!
Addison and Christian had a great time together. Whenever the sun was out they enjoyed playing in the cold, cold lake.
We had pretty good weather considering we usually spend the first part of June at the cabin cooped up hiding from the rain and snow!
Addison and Christian had a great time together. Whenever the sun was out they enjoyed playing in the cold, cold lake.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Another Scare
I found myself lying in a hospital bed on Saturday morning. Dylan was working in Butte and Addison and I were getting ourselves ready for a nice warm day in Helena (finally). I was taking a shower and became extremely alarmed when I discovered something that made me think my placenta was coming out of me. I literally thought my baby was falling out. I called Dylan and Sara, panicked, and told them I was heading to the hospital.
Once I got to the hospital they put me in a wheel chair and took me to the Mother/Baby Unit. With my Addison by my side in the hospital bed, I explained to the nurse what was wrong. Addison was asking all sorts of questions. She is intrigued by medical gadgets. The nurse was hooking me up to the baby monitor and taking my vitals. She observed that my heart rate was 136. Within a matter of seconds it quickly jumped to 150, my blood pressure dropped, I was unable to breath and very close to blacking out. My nurse called for the rapid response team which brought in 5-8 people. They quickly hooked me up to IV fluids and slapped an oxygen mask on my face. The nurse kept touching my face telling me to stay with her and to keep breathing. One of the nurses grabbed my phone and called Dylan telling him that he needed to come immediately.
All that was happening and Addison sat where she was instructed to sit and watch. I can't even imagine how scary it must have been for her. She went from sitting next to me to being picked up and put into a chair in the corner by a stranger. Her mom was unable to talk to her or hold her hand. She sat there, perfectly quiet, observing.
My little episode only lasted a few minutes. I came back to and my vitals returned to normal. A nurse brought Addi a bear and blanket and a snack. She climbed back up on the bed next to me and I told her how proud of her I was and explained what had happened. She thought the oxygen mask was funny looking and told me not to move my hand that had the IV in it. She was amazing. She kept telling me that she would take care of me and that she would keep holding my hand until daddy got there.
They did an EKG and took some blood. The EKG came back normal and the blood tests showed that I am a little anemic. Dr. Mcmahon, the doctor I started seeing her in Helena happened to be in the hospital. He examined me. He said my uterus is tight, closed and tucked up where is should be -- the baby was not falling out! I do have a large cyst that I will just deal with until this baby is born. At that time they will drain it, cut it off and stitch it up. The cyst came from when I gave birth to Addi. When a tear healed inside of me, it healed over a mucous gland. With the pressure of being pregnant, the gland has filled with fluid resulting in disgusting cyst. The doctor said the sudden tachycardia (rapid heart beat) was caused from the anemia and a possible anxiety attack. He also said the other symptoms I have been experiencing were probably related to the anemia.
Dylan arrived in Helena as there were releasing me. They instructed me to take iron daily and drink a lot more fluids.
The past few weeks I have been experiencing a rapid heart beat. It usually happens when I am lying down. I get short of breath and it feels like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. It has woken me up in the middle of the night. I get waves of nausea, light-headedness, shortness of breath and black spots in my vision.
It was scary. Hopefully the iron will kick in and I will start to feel better.
________________________________________________________________
Dr. Key, the Great Falls specialist, received my blood results back. I have or had echovirus, 2 different strands. This virus most likely caused the fluid in baby's abdomen. Dr. Key said as long as baby remains strong and nothing else develops abnormally, baby SHOULD pull out of this ok. I see Dr. Key next week for another ultrasound and follow-up. I have a huge list of questions to get answered! This appointment cannot come quick enough.
My doctor here in Helena called me this afternoon. He set me up with an appointment with a heart specialist to have an echocardiogram and Holter monitor done to see exactly what my heart is up to. This morning I had another dizzy/almost blacking out episode. Dylan called my doctor to see if he wanted to see me. I think this caused my doctor to think that the episode on Saturday was more than an anxiety attack. I am grateful to see the heart specialist. I don't feel the episode on Saturday was only anxiety/stress related. My heart is acting weird and I want to know why.
Another exciting week in the adventure of pregnancy....
Once I got to the hospital they put me in a wheel chair and took me to the Mother/Baby Unit. With my Addison by my side in the hospital bed, I explained to the nurse what was wrong. Addison was asking all sorts of questions. She is intrigued by medical gadgets. The nurse was hooking me up to the baby monitor and taking my vitals. She observed that my heart rate was 136. Within a matter of seconds it quickly jumped to 150, my blood pressure dropped, I was unable to breath and very close to blacking out. My nurse called for the rapid response team which brought in 5-8 people. They quickly hooked me up to IV fluids and slapped an oxygen mask on my face. The nurse kept touching my face telling me to stay with her and to keep breathing. One of the nurses grabbed my phone and called Dylan telling him that he needed to come immediately.
All that was happening and Addison sat where she was instructed to sit and watch. I can't even imagine how scary it must have been for her. She went from sitting next to me to being picked up and put into a chair in the corner by a stranger. Her mom was unable to talk to her or hold her hand. She sat there, perfectly quiet, observing.
My little episode only lasted a few minutes. I came back to and my vitals returned to normal. A nurse brought Addi a bear and blanket and a snack. She climbed back up on the bed next to me and I told her how proud of her I was and explained what had happened. She thought the oxygen mask was funny looking and told me not to move my hand that had the IV in it. She was amazing. She kept telling me that she would take care of me and that she would keep holding my hand until daddy got there.
They did an EKG and took some blood. The EKG came back normal and the blood tests showed that I am a little anemic. Dr. Mcmahon, the doctor I started seeing her in Helena happened to be in the hospital. He examined me. He said my uterus is tight, closed and tucked up where is should be -- the baby was not falling out! I do have a large cyst that I will just deal with until this baby is born. At that time they will drain it, cut it off and stitch it up. The cyst came from when I gave birth to Addi. When a tear healed inside of me, it healed over a mucous gland. With the pressure of being pregnant, the gland has filled with fluid resulting in disgusting cyst. The doctor said the sudden tachycardia (rapid heart beat) was caused from the anemia and a possible anxiety attack. He also said the other symptoms I have been experiencing were probably related to the anemia.
Dylan arrived in Helena as there were releasing me. They instructed me to take iron daily and drink a lot more fluids.
The past few weeks I have been experiencing a rapid heart beat. It usually happens when I am lying down. I get short of breath and it feels like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. It has woken me up in the middle of the night. I get waves of nausea, light-headedness, shortness of breath and black spots in my vision.
It was scary. Hopefully the iron will kick in and I will start to feel better.
________________________________________________________________
Dr. Key, the Great Falls specialist, received my blood results back. I have or had echovirus, 2 different strands. This virus most likely caused the fluid in baby's abdomen. Dr. Key said as long as baby remains strong and nothing else develops abnormally, baby SHOULD pull out of this ok. I see Dr. Key next week for another ultrasound and follow-up. I have a huge list of questions to get answered! This appointment cannot come quick enough.
My doctor here in Helena called me this afternoon. He set me up with an appointment with a heart specialist to have an echocardiogram and Holter monitor done to see exactly what my heart is up to. This morning I had another dizzy/almost blacking out episode. Dylan called my doctor to see if he wanted to see me. I think this caused my doctor to think that the episode on Saturday was more than an anxiety attack. I am grateful to see the heart specialist. I don't feel the episode on Saturday was only anxiety/stress related. My heart is acting weird and I want to know why.
Another exciting week in the adventure of pregnancy....
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Summer Weather Tease
A couple summer-like days this weekend gave us hope that the sun hasn't actually permanently abandoned us.
Back to rain and highs in the 50s all next week. It felt good while it lasted!
Addi took full advantage of the sunshine and played in her sprinkler and swimming pool.
Back to rain and highs in the 50s all next week. It felt good while it lasted!
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