My Children's Childhood

Along with my blog I keep a private journal. It is filled with my writings, mostly unfinished thoughts, random babbles, frustrations and a lot of complaining - a stress relief. My journal contains writings that I am either too afraid or too insecure to publish publicly. I'll leave that journal to my kids. Maybe one more way for them to get to know me more intimately and also themselves a little better.

I certainly don't feel every moment in our lives is worth sharing publicly.  Some things are meant to be kept private. No body is fooling anyone and whether one chooses to write it down we all have difficulties-- insecurities, problems, disease, conflict and sometimes being a mother and wife isn't a sparkling see-through snow globe of glitter, cookie baking, kissing, hikes and bedtime stories. There are outbursts, stubbornness, tantrums, big attitudes, conflict and discipline. It is all apart of who we are, (you know, human) and apart of growing up and a very big, big important part of being a parent. I don't always choose to blog on that un-fun, tough stuff, but I do journal it. I read recently on Dig This Chick's blog, some things that happen in my kid's life are their stories to tell, not mine and I also agree with that wholeheartedly. Not everything they do is my story to tell. However for me, that line can be a difficult one to straddle. I am proud of my kids and I am proud of my life and I feel the urge to share (for their sake) every little thing we do and every funny thing they say. Blogging and journaling is a way I release things. It is the only way I know to time capsule these moments. Somehow freezing this precious time for just a moment longer. It is the way I choose to record our life together. The key point being, the way I choose. In a blink of an eye these days will be over.

Every single day more time has gone by and they are a little older, a little bigger, a little more independent.  Every day that goes by is one more day I don't have with them. I know I will be thankful to be able to relive their young lives through the thousands of pictures I have taken and edited and the words I have stayed up late or gotten up early to record. Annoyingly so to some, maybe. I figure if you don't like what I write about there is a very simple solution, don't read it! Wow, that was extra sassy ... sorry!

I find peace in writing. I find honesty in writing. I am held accountable by my writing. Each day when I sit down to journal or blog I am forced to ask myself, "Was today the best it could have been? Was I the best mother and wife today? Did I do or say the right things, so my children felt loved and cherished today? Did we continue a special tradition, make a memory? Did I become a better person today? Did I stay connected to the people I care about today?" Many days I don't quite measure up to the woman and mother I hope to be on a daily basis, and that's okay - I've never proclaimed perfection. I can lay down at night knowing I was the best I could be today. Tomorrow is another chance. Every chance, every day I am given I know how lucky I am and I treasure these days for exactly what they are -- my children's childhood.


no post is complete with a couple cute faces enjoying their day.

on horseback.

Yes! Ice cream OUTSIDE!

 a barefoot, tree climbing hippy.