
the journal of a nature-loving, country-living Montana mama raising two tiny humans, vegetables, goats and chickens |:| yearning to slow time while freezing our precious life with photos & words |:| striving to live slowly, wholly, honestly and gracefully while chasing wildlife, chickens, rainbows and dreams |:| "We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand – and melting like a snowflake.” ~Marie B. Ray
Friday, June 24, 2011
Update on Little Man - 27 weeks
Dr. Key was really encouraged that baby was able to remain in me another whole week. One week in fetal development time is really important. Every day, every week that he stays in makes a huge difference for our little man.
They sent me to the hospital for additional baby heart monitoring and more steroids. Dylan has the pleasure of giving me the second dose tonight! He enjoys it more than he should!! We are not exactly sure if it is the steroids that are causing the improvements, but it is worth a try. The research isn't clear if multiple doses really adds additional benefits - I guess will we see next week. I made Dr. Key promise I wasn't going to give birth to Schwarzenegger. He is such a jolly, sweet man - my joke caught him off guard - he giggled and said that they are not the same kind of steroids!
We go back to Great Falls next Friday. It is encouraging that they have spaced out the appointments and dropped them to once a week. This is a good sign.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Battling For His Life - 26 weeks
On Wednesday June 15th, Dylan and I drove to Great Falls to see our Perinatologist. We were anticipating a normal check up. We had it in our minds that baby was doing better and remaining strong and we had relaxed a little bit about his health. I guess we had some sense of false encouragement that the Echo Virus I had, that had most likely caused the ascites (fluid in abdomen) in our baby was still there, but the baby would probably be ok. After the ultrasound Dr. Key came into our room and began to dissect what he saw in the ultrasound, what it meant and what we needed to do. For the most part this whole day is a huge blur. The only clear thing I remember Dr. Key saying is, " We need to get you admitted to the hospital. The next 72 hours we will give you steroids and then on Sunday we need to deliver your baby." I was blind-sided. I made him repeat what he said and then I collapsed into Dylan's shoulder, confused and completely heart-broken. We were given these two options and were told we needed to make a decision quickly: 1. Deliver baby ASAP and intensively intervene to try and save him or 2. Leave him in, see what happens - basically allow him to die in peace. We were told either way our baby had less than 10% chance of surviving. Our baby was under too much stress and his tiny little body and heart could not accommodate it for much longer.
Since the last time were in Great Falls, about a month ago, unknown to us or our doctor, our baby's condition had become a lot worse. There was more fluid in his abdomen, a lot more. His heart was working really hard to accommodate the fluid. He now had fluid or swelling in the skin around his brain and some limbs. He has Non - Immune Hydrops. A fetal death sentence. His femur and skull measurements reveal a 26 week old baby. His abdomen measurement is the size of a 39 week old baby. His abdomen is grotesquely huge compared to the rest of him.
Dylan and I went to the hospital. They hooked me and baby up to the heart monitor and monitored exactly what his heart was up to for about 2 hours. When Dr. Key came back he was encouraged by the baby's heart rate. He said he was expecting a near flat line but that is not what he saw. The baby's heart was working really hard, but was remaining strong at this point. Dr. Key decided to give me a dose of steroids, send a dose home for Dylan to give me in 24 hours and then have me come back on Friday. Because his heart appeared to be remaining strong and appeared to be managing the stress, the doctor felt we could wait a couple extra days before deciding whether or not we would deliver him.
We some how made it through the next two days, praying and talking - deciding the fate of our unborn baby. Deaette stayed with us. Thank God for her. She took care of us and took care of Addi while Dylan and I's world was crashing around us.
The drive back to Great Falls on Friday morning was horrible. We both cried for most of it. Baby had stopped moving. Normally he is very active, bouncing around all day long. But on Friday he had gone silent. Nothing I did would wake him up. I laid on the ultrasound table and muttered to Karen, the ultrasound tech, that he wasn't moving anymore. Dylan and I both thought we would be told that our baby had died. Karen immediately found his heart and it was beating. After she did a quick scan Dr. Key came into the room and he was smiling, almost giddy. He said he couldn't believe it but the amount of fluid in his abdomen had decreased a little and baby's right-sided, tricuspid heart function wasn't working as hard as it was couple days ago. Baby had improved a little. Dr. Key said it could have been the steroids that took some pressure off his heart.
We weren't sure what to say or think. He seemed a little better, not out of the woods by any means, but he didn't get worse. We monitored baby's heart rate again and although it isn't what a "normal" fetal heart rate looks like, it is better than the doctor anticipated, considering all the stress he is under. We were told to come back on Monday to check on him again.
We made the drive again on Monday and we got another positive report. Less fluid and less heart strain. Dr. Key just shook his head, smiling. "It has to be an answer to prayer.", he said. His heart rate was remaining stable, not perfect, but stable.
Our next move is to go back to Great Falls on Thursday. I will be getting more steroids. There really is no way of knowing if they are the reason for the improvements, but they are a powerful drug, capable of helping his heart as well as his lungs.
A day-to-day battle for all of us. All we can hope for is that he continues to improve and that his heart remains strong. The sense of urgency to get him out has subsided for now. He doesn't appear to be dying. He is strong and active. Dr. Key said as long as we continue to see improvements we can go to monitoring once per week.
It will be an impossibly long process. We still have 13 weeks until his due date. Emotionally we are wiped out. Physically, we are exhausted. My body, I am sure is working over time trying to care for a sick baby. I feel drained. Some days I just cry tears of frustration, exhaustion and pure hoplessness. I feel like I do not have one more ounce of energy to give. Unfortunately, all I can do for my little man is continue to eat well and rest. The feeling of helplessness is unbearable. The true battle is taking place in him and his outcome is in God's hands.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Flathead Lake Cabin
Roger and Ryan were in town visiting from Arizona. Ryan is a Marine and recently returned from a tour of duty in Afghanistan. It was great seeing them. We were able to get dad out for a dinner at the China Garden!
We had pretty good weather considering we usually spend the first part of June at the cabin cooped up hiding from the rain and snow!
Addison and Christian had a great time together. Whenever the sun was out they enjoyed playing in the cold, cold lake.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Another Scare
Once I got to the hospital they put me in a wheel chair and took me to the Mother/Baby Unit. With my Addison by my side in the hospital bed, I explained to the nurse what was wrong. Addison was asking all sorts of questions. She is intrigued by medical gadgets. The nurse was hooking me up to the baby monitor and taking my vitals. She observed that my heart rate was 136. Within a matter of seconds it quickly jumped to 150, my blood pressure dropped, I was unable to breath and very close to blacking out. My nurse called for the rapid response team which brought in 5-8 people. They quickly hooked me up to IV fluids and slapped an oxygen mask on my face. The nurse kept touching my face telling me to stay with her and to keep breathing. One of the nurses grabbed my phone and called Dylan telling him that he needed to come immediately.
All that was happening and Addison sat where she was instructed to sit and watch. I can't even imagine how scary it must have been for her. She went from sitting next to me to being picked up and put into a chair in the corner by a stranger. Her mom was unable to talk to her or hold her hand. She sat there, perfectly quiet, observing.
My little episode only lasted a few minutes. I came back to and my vitals returned to normal. A nurse brought Addi a bear and blanket and a snack. She climbed back up on the bed next to me and I told her how proud of her I was and explained what had happened. She thought the oxygen mask was funny looking and told me not to move my hand that had the IV in it. She was amazing. She kept telling me that she would take care of me and that she would keep holding my hand until daddy got there.
They did an EKG and took some blood. The EKG came back normal and the blood tests showed that I am a little anemic. Dr. Mcmahon, the doctor I started seeing her in Helena happened to be in the hospital. He examined me. He said my uterus is tight, closed and tucked up where is should be -- the baby was not falling out! I do have a large cyst that I will just deal with until this baby is born. At that time they will drain it, cut it off and stitch it up. The cyst came from when I gave birth to Addi. When a tear healed inside of me, it healed over a mucous gland. With the pressure of being pregnant, the gland has filled with fluid resulting in disgusting cyst. The doctor said the sudden tachycardia (rapid heart beat) was caused from the anemia and a possible anxiety attack. He also said the other symptoms I have been experiencing were probably related to the anemia.
Dylan arrived in Helena as there were releasing me. They instructed me to take iron daily and drink a lot more fluids.
The past few weeks I have been experiencing a rapid heart beat. It usually happens when I am lying down. I get short of breath and it feels like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. It has woken me up in the middle of the night. I get waves of nausea, light-headedness, shortness of breath and black spots in my vision.
It was scary. Hopefully the iron will kick in and I will start to feel better.
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Dr. Key, the Great Falls specialist, received my blood results back. I have or had echovirus, 2 different strands. This virus most likely caused the fluid in baby's abdomen. Dr. Key said as long as baby remains strong and nothing else develops abnormally, baby SHOULD pull out of this ok. I see Dr. Key next week for another ultrasound and follow-up. I have a huge list of questions to get answered! This appointment cannot come quick enough.
My doctor here in Helena called me this afternoon. He set me up with an appointment with a heart specialist to have an echocardiogram and Holter monitor done to see exactly what my heart is up to. This morning I had another dizzy/almost blacking out episode. Dylan called my doctor to see if he wanted to see me. I think this caused my doctor to think that the episode on Saturday was more than an anxiety attack. I am grateful to see the heart specialist. I don't feel the episode on Saturday was only anxiety/stress related. My heart is acting weird and I want to know why.
Another exciting week in the adventure of pregnancy....
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Summer Weather Tease
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
24 weeks
24 week down, 16 weeks to go -- 6 months down, 4 months to go. That sounds like an eternity. An eternity to find out exactly the extent of our baby's potential health issues. I want my baby in my arms and I want to know that he/she is going to be ok.
I know I shouldn't complain. I am so grateful to be pregnant. A lot of women have a way more difficult time with their pregnancies. I am grateful I am able to continue working. Bed rest right now would be detrimental to our insurance situation. Aside from the constant mental torment of not knowing what is happening inside my precious baby, I am experiencing so many physical annoyances lately.
You know that adorable pregnancy waddle that women develop in their 8 or 9th month? Well, I already have that! I waddle around all over the place as if I am about to deliver. Of course, my not-so-sympathetic husband thinks it is hilarious.
I have excruciating pain in my inner thigh -- the evil round ligament pain associated with pregnancy. It is nearly impossible for me to rotate my pelvis to roll over in bed, to get out of bed or to get off the couch. Any time I need to use the muscles and ligaments necessary for this simple movement, sharp, deep pains flood my pelvic area. It is more painful than I can explain. I had the exact same pains in the exact same area with Addi, but they didn't announce themselves until much later in my pregnancy.
At bedtime I develop restless leg syndrome. I have heard my little 'ol granny describe her RLS to me, it has always sounded horrible. Once I experienced it for myself I do not know how she dealt with it for so many years without climbing out of her skin from the inside out. I am exhausted from not sleeping the night before, all I want to do is waddle to bed and fall deep asleep, but my legs have a different idea. I cannot control them. They go through abrupt muscle spasms that I cannot control. It is so frustrating and literally scream out in frustration.
I am short of breath. My uterus is already interfering with my lungs. If I don't sit or lay just right I literally cannot breath.
I have acid reflux. If I don't lay at the right angle I feel acid start to seep up my throat. I have to be careful now of what I eat and make sure I don't over fill my stomach.
My thigh muscles are so tight and sore. Every time I get up from my chair at work I walk all bent over and waddle around for several seconds until my muscles loosen back up. I look like a Neanderthal and feel like a very old woman. I feel like I ran a marathon without training for it.
Of course, the back pain and the constant trips to the potty. Pregnancy = back pain & a lot of bathroom breaks. That goes without saying!
I thought maybe increasing my activity, more brisk walks, stretching and Yoga would help -- not the case, it makes these symptoms worse. The only thing that helps is rest and a warm bath.
For the past several weeks I have had to sleep on the couch. Every couple hours I find myself sitting up, wide awake. Needless to say I am exhausted. I cannot get comfortable to really fall asleep. All I want is one good nights sleep.
The frequency of Braxton-Hicks contractions have increased dramatically. I feel my uterus tightening at least three times per hour.
Enough mommy venting...what is baby up to?
Baby is so active. If you were sitting across the room you could see baby rolling and moving. My belly is often distorted into odd looking shapes when baby is changing positions. Baby has definite sleep/wake cycles. I can always count on baby to wake up around lunch time. Addi was the same way. Right at noon baby is dancing around waiting for lunch!
Baby is over 1 pound now and around 12 inches long. Baby is packing on the adorable fat that I love to kiss on.
What is big sister Addison up to?
Addi has really started to bond with the baby. She often kisses the belly and tells baby that she loves him. She likes to try and grap or poke a foot or butt when it is sticking way out! She likes to guess where the baby's head is. She thinks it is hilarious when I wake her up by having her baby sister/brother squish her (lay my big 'ol belly on top of her)! She likes to read books to the baby and tells the baby about her day! After seeing pictures of her friend Ella and her new baby brother, Will, Addi has decided it wouldn't be so bad to have a baby brother. We catch her calling the baby a him sometimes now! She says she wants a baby brother and a baby sister. Addi is so sweet to her mamma. Everyday she offers to rub lotion on my belly so, "It doesn't get all dried up!" and she rubs my back. _________________________________________________________________
We should get the full results from the amniocentesis and blood work this week sometime. I have a doctor appointment with Dr. McMahon here in Helena on Tuesday the 7th. I am not sure what will happen next. I guess we just have to wait until the test results are back to make a game plan.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Preliminary Results
Thank you all for your prayers, support and happy thoughts! The waiting and all the unknowns would be impossible to deal with without the support from our amazing family and friends.
Monday, May 23, 2011
San Diego 2011
Where do I begin? I guess the beginning is a good place to start!
SATURDAY: After dropping off our dogs in Missoula and totally inconveniencing my dad and Dave & Em with their care for the week we drove to Scott & Jackie's house in Spokane. Addi loves her Gingras Boys and they had a blast playing and baking together.
MONDAY: Addi will be talking about this day for a really long time!!! She was in love with Sea World and would have moved into the Orca Pool! The day started out cloudy, gloomy and rainy but ended up being partly cloudy and warm. The rain clouds kept the crowds and sweat away, it ended up being perfect Sea World weather! We got there as the front gates opened and didn't leave until closing time. As we waited for all the exhibits to open we rode up the super tall, blue tower to get a bird's eye view of the park. The space ship-like orb we rode in rotated as it took us hundreds of feet into the air. As Addi caught her first glimpse of her beloved orcas from 200 hundred feet in the air, she gasped, mumbled "orcas" under her breath and put two hands over her heart. She was literally speechless with the sight of these magnificent animals. It was amazing!
Throughout the day we watched the sea lion, dolphin, pet, and orca shows. All were very impressive and very entertaining. We petted Melbourne, a baby red kangaroo! You would not believe how soft he was. Addi loved the ocean princess story that was the dolphin show. For the rest of the trip she pretended she too was an ocean princess and it was OK to get her skirt wet because of her status as ocean princess!
TUESDAY: We spent a lazy day on Coronado Island sitting on the beach. We enjoyed getting fried in the wonderful sun, collected sea shells, built sand castles and walked around the cute little town.
WEDNESDAY: I loved this day! We had no plan and found a sign saying "Sunset Cliff Park" and drove there! We ended up in Point Loma. A wonderful hidden area that is protected by huge red cliffs. Dylan started talking with a man about his huge lab, a local man. When Dylan asked him where he was from he said, "Well, here, Point Loma. Where are you from?" When Dylan replied Montana the man's face got all distorted and he asked us how we found this place? He said it was a local place that most tourists don't know about! That made us feel good! That is the way we like to travel, off the beaten path, where the locals go! Dylan laughed because he asks the same thing of "out-of-staters" who invade his special "local" spots - who told you, how did you get here!!!
We spent hours exploring the huge expanse of amazing tide pools. Tide pools are one of my favorite ecosystems, I just love exploring them. I know, Dylan thinks it weird too that I have a favorite ecosystem, but they are amazing. We found a dead crab and fed it to an anemone and watch as it closed its tentacles around it to allow the digestive juices get to work breaking down the crab! A giant science experiment - gotta love nature! Addi was concerned with all the little hermit crabs that were out of the water. Every time she would find one all closed up in its shell, hanging on to a rock waiting for the water to return she would pick it up and drop into a pool of water! She would say, "Oh, poor crab, I will help you!" Gotta love my little nature-girl!
We spent the late afternoon playing in the children's cove in La Jolla. It is a peaceful beach with small waves. The protective rocks are covered with barking sea lions and a large colony of pelicans (AKA Toucans!!) and other sea birds.
We drove closer to our hotel and ate and the New Zealand Bareback Bar & Grill. The food was great and they proudly served the best burger in San Diego. Dylan agreed! It was really loud as the "younger" crowd was mingling and enjoying happy hour. Addi would cup her hands over her mouth and literally shout as loud as she could, "Mamma, can you hear me?!" and then crack up! It was really funny. She enjoyed the busy atmosphere. Addi tried fried calamari and almost immediately spit it right back out!
We literally were the first people to leave the hotel in the morning and the last to get in. We usually had to search for a parking spot. We all know how Addi feels about swimming pools and even after a long, busy day she was ready to swim at 9:30 at night. We did allow her to do it a couple nights, but by this time of night the pool/hot tub area was always full of partying, loud, cussing, crazies so we didn't spend much time there.
Addi and I spent the day in La Jolla, shopping and playing on the beach.
We let Addi choose the restaurant for our last night out. She wanted to be "fancy" and get all dressed up - that is Addi's style! She choose a very fancy place called the Crab Catcher in La Jolla. WOW. The food and atmosphere were amazing. She has great taste or should I say expensive taste! We ate out on the heated balcony overlooking the ocean. I ordered, of course, the king crab legs. Addi ordered spaghetti and Dylan ordered the halibut. The food was beautifully presented. Simply stated, it was delicious. A wonderful ending to a great week.
Addison and I had never been to Chuck E. Cheese. We decided to spend our last couple hours in San Diego eating lunch and playing there. I now know one thing, you do not go to Chuck E. Cheese for the food. Oh it was terrible, but Addi eventually enjoyed the games once she figured out what that crazy place was all about.
We were all just so exhausted and a little crabby. We had a heck of a time locating a gas station to fill up the rental car. In the all the commotion Dylan broke the trunk and we had to tie it closed! We were relieved when the rental car return-airport check-in-airport security fiasco was over and we were sitting on the plane waiting for it to take off. Addi almost instantly fell asleep, as did I. We both slept all the way to Seattle.
It was a great vacation. We had a great time. We all really needed some time away with each other. Some time away of the never-ending Helena winter! We wanted to give Addi a special trip before the new baby is born. She kept saying we will have to bring the baby back!