For several, several weeks we wondered if our baby would be born alive. When we rushed to Missoula to deliver him we wondered if he would survive delivery. After delivery we were told that his condition was so severe he had very little chance of surviving, period.
Last night when I held my son for the first time I was finally able to exhale. For so long I had been holding my breath waiting for the moment that I could breath again. For the longest time I wasn't sure I would ever get to have that moment.
It was amazing. He is so beautiful. Laying on his bed he looks and feels so fragile. In my arms he felt warm and well -- he felt like a baby, not a sick, premature baby. He snuggled right in against my chest. His tiny hands curled around my fingers. When a loud noise startled him he would grab onto my fingers tighter and clench my hand closer to his body. He was in a deep sleep for most of the two hours that I held him. A few times he would blink open his eyes. I was able to tell him that, "Mamma has you." And then he would close his eyes again. Landon seemed to enjoy it. His monitors told us he tolerated it very well. Never did his heart rate go up or his oxygen levels drop. He never flailed his arms or cried. It took two nurses to move him and all his wires into my arms and when they put him back into his bed he remained relaxed and soon went back to sleep.
Once I had him in my arms it was hard giving him back to the care of his nurse and even harder saying goodnight to him and leaving him there. One small Landon baby step closer to the day we take him home.
Its been 11 days. In the world 11 days in nothing. In NICU time 11 days is an eternity. It feels less like 11 individual days and more like one long day that will never end. Time stands still in the NICU. With Landon in my arms 2 hours flew by!
It was a huge moment. A moment I will never forget. I will never forget how thankful I felt, how much love I felt, and how the achy feeling in my body, for a little while, wasn't there.
Landon, 11 days old
He is SO beautiful! Blessings on you and your family.....and especially on Landon for continued healing. We will continue to pray.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Laurie Johnson
Brandi!!! SO SO SO happy you got to hold him!
ReplyDeleteHe looks so good! Those pictures are so sweet. We are praying for all of you.
ReplyDeleteI started balling reading this just now. Then I had to explain to Dave why I was crying. I read him the whole thing out loud the whole while crying, he said "I don't understand, that sounds like good news to me... So, why are you crying again?" Well, although Dave doesn't get it, I know you do and know that my heart is filled with the joy of a little boy named Landon (aka super man!).
ReplyDeleteWHAT A BLESSING:) We think of you guys often and hope that you're able to breathe through these days! Know that you are loved and prayed for by so many!!! God can move mountains!
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me, but I am Miss Jess' mom... I just wanted to let you know that I have your family in my prayers and have been following little Landon's progress, and I have tears of joy he looks so much better and he is beautiful!!! Just know there are lots of people pulling for this lil guy!
ReplyDeleteLove
Dina
Still praying for your little blessing! He is soooo cute! Love seeing him change, he is looking so healthy.
ReplyDeleteHe looks so good! So happy that you got to snuggle him! We are continuing to pray and also put in a prayer request at our church so he's got lots of support from WA!Love, Jackie Hilyard
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