When your baby spends over 6 weeks in the NICU you get very attached to the people who care for your baby every hour of the day. Their little lives are literally in their hands. It isn't easy letting go and accepting the fact that someone other than you will be caring for your baby. I cannot even begin to describe the emotions of leaving your baby in the hospital everyday with strangers. To say the least it is not easy. I can't count the times I left crying, sobbing.
This special person was not only a wonderful nurse to Landon he was an amazing support to me. He always said the right thing or when needed said nothing at all. He was encouraging, compassionate and so kind. He was real. I loved it when he would say, "Nothing exciting is happening!" That was so good to hear. He worked the night shift. He was Landon's nurse many, many nights. I would feel a little disappointed to go to my evening NICU visits and not see him there. I always slept better when I knew Mike was in the NICU with Landon. I remember watching his hands. His hands seemed so large almost rugged, but when his hands were holding my baby, moving my baby, changing my baby, caring for my baby, they were soft, they moved so slow and they were filled with tenderness.
Although there were many nurses who cared for Landon, many we got to know very well and all were wonderful and caring, both Dylan and I really connected to Mike the nurse from the first night he cared for Landon. I don't know exactly why. Some people you just connect with. He was the person who put my baby in my arms for the first time. I will never in my whole life forget when Mike asked, so calmly, so quietly, "Do you want to hold him?" I don't even think I spoke, I could not form words. When he placed Landon on my chest for the first time I bawled. I tried holding it in, but I could not! It was a big moment, one I wasn't sure would ever happen. Mike understood and even offered to take pictures. Those pictures I will treasure forever. When I would cry and literally could not speak, he would so genuinely ask if I was okay, if I needed anything. After that, at each evening "hands - on" time it took Mike plus one other nurse to move Landon into my arms. His wires and breathing machine tubes and Landon's small, frail body made it difficult to be moved. It was even more difficult getting him back situated into his bed. Mike never once made me feel like I was inconveniencing him or bothering him when I wanted to hold my baby. He understood that for Landon and I to survive we needed each other. He needed to be next to me just as much as I needed him there. I remember asking him one night, "If he is too sick or if it will make him worse its okay for me not to hold him." I sort of meant that! Of course the mama in me would sacrifice anything to make him better, even if it meant not holding him. Mike said, "He needs you to hold him. It is okay. It is good for him." Mike just got it and if Mike said it was okay, I believed him. Even when Mike was working, but not Landon's nurse, he always came over and said 'hi' and would check in to see how he was doing.
I have always been curious to know what babies remember. If they can remember that sort of trauma or if they remember the people in their lives when they are that young and sick. Whether or not Mike was familiar to Landon, today they reconnected! Mike held and played with Landon for a long time. Landon thought Mike's glasses and necklace were really cool!
Thank you Mike for visiting! Thank you for caring for my baby, for being such an amazing nurse and person and for being there with Landon when I could not!
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