April 20th - Safe In The Arms of Jesus

I have never heard the voice of God before. I've never been given the gift of direct, open communication on His end. When I've heard people say, God spoke to me, I never really got it. I always thought that I personally was not asking the right questions or maybe I wasn't a good listener. I thought He just didn't have anything to say to me. I never understood how a person knew it was from God.

I was woken from a deep sleep by a few simple words. The clarity in the words and the simple message washed a sense of peace over me. A sense of peace I have never before felt. After typing the words into my iPhone I soon fell back asleep. It wasn't until the morning that I really thought about what the words meant and what they were meant for. I read them over and over again. I had no other explanation -- I had heard from God -- I heard truth. He woke me in the dead of night when no other distraction and no other background noise would distort what he needed to tell me. I am sure that he wanted to make sure I heard Him, really heard Him. He engraved it on my heart and I wrote it down to be sure I never forgot it.

Since my 15 year old brother, Danny, took his own life eight years ago I've heard many things. Other human opinion as they take it upon themselves to tell me where my brother is; to enlighten me on his eternal fate for committing an unforgivable sin. They somehow feel a sense of supreme power over me, un-compassion really, to interpret truth for me as they try and tell me (like they knew anything about the situation) my brother's situation with God. I mean COME ON. How conceded are they to think they really know anything like that. I personally believed that God would not abandon Danny. He would not leave him to suffer in eternity when obviously, unknown to his closest family members, he was already suffering and alone and I guess in his mind he had no other solution that to permanently end the pain. Danny was just a boy, a child. A child with a big heart and a love for people I haven't seen since him. Would God abandon such a heart? Would God really abandon a child? No, I never thought so. The very moment he decided to leave this world was the same exact moment Jesus scooped him up. He was instantaneously free from pain and in God's arms he was safe and happy. I no longer care about what those random people said and their silly, self-appointed duty to judge my baby brother was just that, silly. I always felt that Danny wasn't suffering anymore because he was in the arms of Jesus sharing his laughter and his smile with God. I know he is making Heaven a happier place with only his presence.  At times this belief is THE ONLY THING that got me through it. But it took God waking me up in the middle of one random night for me to really feel it. Sometimes my brain seems to think it's in control, but really my heart is what drives me - drives me not to know truth, but to FEEL it.

It took God eight years to settle on me this peace. I was probably blinded by too much grief until now to really hear Him. But I KNOW for sure now, that one day I will see Danny again. We will walk hand-in-hand in eternity. For that peace, for that truth, I am so thankful and so, so grateful that God took time to speak directly to me.

I had printed the picture, one of my favorite pictures of all time, months and months ago. I didn't know, until I was given the words, what I would do with it.

Like all children gone too soon, I sit embraced, safely in the arms of Jesus. I wait for the day you walk through Heaven's gates and take me into your arms where we will remain together for eternity. ~From Danny, via God! 

There is no other person on this earth who needs to know, who needs to feel God's words more than my mother, for her I made this canvas. As she sees his face and re-reads these words I only hope it eases some of her pain until the day they are reunited in eternal joy.

I miss you every single second little brother, but today, April 20th, I miss you more.