One Month Old

Our little man is one month old today! The image of my swollen baby and his tiny hand being rushed by me in the operating room remains burned into the front of my mind. The conversation Landon’s doctor had with Dylan and I right before I went into surgery is still way too clear, “I need you both to understand that we are dealing with something very serious. Chances are he will not survive.” The feelings we experienced during Landon’s first hours and days are wounds that remain fresh – uncertainty, fear, confusion, immense love, sadness and guilt. The initial feeling of helplessness was excruciating. It left us feeling paralyzed. All we could do was hold each other and cry. There were no words to comfort each other or help ease the pain. The worse part of it all was there was NOTHING we could do to ease the pain Landon was going through. His battle to survive was something him and God had to tackle together. There was nothing we could do for him. The doctor’s and nurses had done everything they knew to do; the rest was up to Landon. HE SURVIVED. Against literally all odds, HE SURVIVED. He was given a meek 3% chance and HE SURVIVED.

Deciding to deliver him was a bold and courageous decision. A decision not considered lightly by Dylan and I and our doctor. Deciding to deliver him the exact day he was delivered saved his life. Our doctor had been telling us that the day would come that he would no longer be able to survive in my womb, but was still healthy enough to keep him alive outside my womb. By monitoring Landon and I weekly, my doctor hoped he would be able to determine that exact day. He knew the day would come when Landon no longer continued to improve. He knew the day would come that in order to save him he would have to be born. His intense knowledge, faith, compassion and the simple fact that he cared so immensely for our unborn child saved our baby’s life. We cannot even begin to thank our wonderful perinatologists and their teams, both in Great Falls and in Missoula, for the exceptional care and compassion that we received. We are so grateful for our Great Falls doctor; I do not have the words. He had been our rock and advisor for so many weeks. When we told us it was time to deliver and we told him we would like to deliver in Missoula because our family was there he didn’t miss a beat. He completely understood and went to work for us getting the Missoula specialist on the phone and up to speed. We are grateful for the willingness of our Missoula doctor to take us on and deliver our child when he had not even known of our situation the night before.

I feel absolute gratitude and thankfulness to be able to say that my baby boy is doing well. At 35 weeks gestation his little body is busy sleeping and growing. He weighs 5 pounds 2.6 ounces. He continues to gain weight almost every day.

This past week we have been regularly working on feeding. He shows very little interest! He will nurse but seems to enjoy the cuddling more than the feeding. He will latch on and suck several times and then fall fast asleep! He sucks just enough to get the flow going and then kicks back and allows the milk to flow down his throat! The nurses will offer him a bottle of my breast milk if he is acting hungry or wide awake during his other feedings. They say he is still uncoordinated at sucking, swallowing and breathing. This will develop with age. He seems to know what to do but lacks the development to be successful at it. We enjoy trying! I look forward to our feeding times together.

On Wednesday August 10^th he had his PICC line removed. He no longer is dependent on IV nutrients or medications of any kind!! He has his nasal cannula and feeding tube in his nose, a pulse/oxygen saturation monitor wrapped around his foot and three sticky pads on his chest monitoring his heart rate and that is all!! He only has his blood drawn on Mondays. Because he no longer has an IV they do have to prick his little heal once a week to run his blood tests. That is the only invasive thing they have to do to him now.

He is receiving what is considered a full feed for his age, 44 ml every 3 hours, just about an ounce and a half. When I breast feed him, every six hours, we estimate he gets anywhere from 10 ml – 20 ml from my breast. He gets the rest of his feeding through his feeding tube. I am still pumping every 3-4 hours. I feel my milk supply is holding strong! I am able to supply his nurses with enough fresh milk to feed him every 3 hours and I also am able to freeze quite a bit.

On Friday, August 12^th he had a very big day. We gave him his first bath, he was moved into an open bed and he started wearing clothes! He really enjoyed his bath. Daddy and Addison bathed him. He was wide awake and looked all around. He didn’t make one sound. He was very relaxed and calm. Addi and I washed his hair and got him all dressed in big boy, preemie clothes! He enjoys being swaddled up tight in his new bed. He has been maintaining his body temperature all on his own.

Check one of three on his going home check list!

Go home checklist:

ü Maintain body temp

Decrease oxygen dependence

Learn to eat

He is still dependent on the oxygen being delivered through his nasal cannula. Room air, the air you and I breathe, is 21% oxygen. He is receiving anywhere from 30-40% oxygen at .5 liters of pressure. When he is being examined by the nurses or doctor or when we are working on feeding his oxygen needs often go up. When he is at rest or sleeping his dependence goes down. It still fluctuates often. The cannula also helps to keep his lungs inflated at .5 liters of pressure. This amount is really minute and gives him a little help in keeping his lungs inflated. We are unsure when he would no longer need the oxygen.

On Friday, Addison held her little brother for the first time. It was a very tender moment! I will cherish the pictures forever.